Try to throw away the statement that: “there aren’t any good guys/gals out there”…..because the point is – there are! If you lack dates it’s because of your approach and your purpose for dating. So many people are in a hurry and on the hunt. One of the first steps I often advise singles is that they be cured of the belief that the purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner. While this may often be the end result, try to look at dating as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. People think they know what they need, what they want, what they deserve. Many are guilty of possessing this natural impulse when going out on a date, that they begin imagining a whole life with that person – ending either in “forever” or “never” – without truly knowing anything about the person to make that call. If you find yourself stuck in this pattern – it’s time to adjust your philosophy and approach the whole experience differently. Date for the sake of dating and enjoy the process that unfolds.
2).Slow Down and Be Quiet!! – By not making quick decisions and getting to know the other person, you might expand your view of what is good and what you find attractive in the opposite sex. Try to remain neutral, observe, and get to know the individual instead. Ask a lot of questions and try to listen to what they say. Don’t feel the need to rush into telling someone all about yourself. You know yourself, so sit back, relax and take in what your date reveals about themselves. You might find out some very valuable information that can help you determine if this person has the potential for a relationship!
3). Reevaluate Your Type – Do you want to stay alone? Then continue to hold on to that one particular type that you think you should be with. Through time we change and grow. Your defined type may be stuck in a time period that may not be right for you now. Try to explore all kinds of people, it allows you to get rid of the mindset that there is only one type out there for you that is right. It clears the fog, takes the blinders off and allows you to see real people, real humans beings you can experience, get to know and as a result learn from. Different types of people stretch us. We learn and grow from each other. By sticking to one specific type you be remaining “one-dimensional.” Experiment and try going out with someone who is totally different to break the habit. Just try it!! Again, you might be totally surprised!
4) Broaden your Search by Throwing Away your Criteria List – Singles often create
long laundry lists of criteria that must be met when searching for a mate. They evaluate women/men by checking off this checklist that the person must pass or fail. The list is often developed through bad dating experiences (i.e dating someone with a child that was a disaster or someone of a different religion) and through the years the list can grow longer and longer. In many cases they base their decisions from only one or two experiences they’ve encountered in their lives, thus dismissing an entire populace of individuals that might have been appropriate. Try to evaluate this list and see if you are dismissing certain individuals after only one or two experiences. If so, try to move forward by not prejudging and remain open minded that not everyone is the same.
5). Make it a Point to Go out with Someone Twice, Regardless of Your Doubting
Feelings – As a matchmaker, I often find myself nudging people who have gone out once to go out again, even if they were not initially interested in that person but admitted that they had a good time. Do you know that 80% of those that followed my advice and did go out a second, even a third time, ended up dating that person for a significant time period and in many cases, married them?? Keep this in mind and try it.
And on the flip side: be careful of falling head over heals for someone after one date and claiming love at first sight. This feeling is often lust and it clouds your judgement. Everything and anything about the other person is perfect; they can do no wrong. Try to remain level-headed and get to know the person. Many fall into this trap where strong physical attraction compromises their judgement and only after a period of time, do they realize that they don’t really have much in common with the other person in order for the relationship to make it to the long-term.
6). Make a Point of Getting out There and Being More Social.
It is the known fact that the typical person’s social circle is limited. Especially as one gets older and old friends either move away, get married and/or drop out of the scene. Make a point this year to be more proactive by getting involved in new activities – join a matchmaking service, join a club, foundation or charity organization. Just try to find social engagements that are interesting, fun and will expose you to a larger percentage of people who are like-minded that share common interests with you. Muster the nerve to go solo if need be. You’ll be more approachable.
7). Stop Texting so Much and Pick up the Phone and Make Human Contact.
In this day and age, it is quite convenient to just text someone rather than communicate with them directly by phone. I have witnessed and seen many singles fall into this trap of “communication disconnect.” By keeping it more personal you’ll have a better chance of not getting into frivolous arguments that result when certain texts or emails send the wrong message because they lack inflection and may be misinterpreted.
Single? You’re not alone. And depending on your point of view, being single during the holidays can be tough… or it can be the perfect time to get out and meet new and interesting people. For those single and searching, here are some tips to assist you in finding a love connection during the holidays.
It’s the perfect time of year to broadcast to your friends that you single and searching and that you are more than willing to accompany another single person to a holiday event should they need a date. Announce to your family that you’re single this holiday season, and because of that, you might very well invite someone to the festivities who is also single but doesn’t have family living close by to celebrate with. In the end, get the word out and expand your social network.
2. Accept Every Holiday Invitation
Unless a holiday party is a challenge to get to or you know an “ex” will be present, make a point of accepting every holiday invitation that comes your way – no matter how unusual, farfetched or random. In fact, the more events you attend the more comfortable you will become to step outside of your safety zone and expose yourself to new groups of people.
3. Be Prepared for Spontaneous Holiday Cheer
As a single person, it may be assumed that your calendar is much more flexible than a parent with three kids. Therefore it may not be uncommon for someone like your self to receive last-minute invites to holiday functions. Make sure you have one or two holiday outfits ready to wear that are clean, appropriate and festive.
4. Reconnect With Old Friends And/Or Bring A Date To An Event
If you must have a date for an event, it is perfectly fine to consider an old friend or someone you know that is also single and searching. The evening can be a fun way to stroll around and socialize. Tell your single friend that you’ll be game to be their “date” for the next holiday gathering s/he might be invited to. It’s a great way to network and meet new people!
5. Plan For Mistletoe And Stolen Kisses.
If you are single, there is no harm in hanging around the Mistletoe. This way, you can strike up a conversation about the silly mistletoe tradition and even cop a few great kisses! While many of the recipients may not be what you’re looking for, you never know….. people meet in the strangest places and you might just like someone that has been strolling around throughout the night. Hopefully, you can make eye contact with them and get them to walk over to your locale….under the mistletoe!
With holiday dating, the issue of whether or not to exchange gifts can be confusing. If you’re dating casually, you shouldn’t feel obligated to give a gift just because it’s the holidays. However, if you feel you would like to give your date something thoughtful, keep it inexpensive but something they would appreciate. It’s good to pay attention to what s/he likes so that they will know you care and that you put some thought into your gift: perhaps a book on a special topic she discussed or a bottle of scotch that he has boosted about. Another great gift idea is pre-arranging a future date together– whether it be tickets to a play or ball game or an evening of skating in the park. Remember, certain gifts are going to imply certain intentions. Giving your gal lingerie will certainly hint at the idea that you’re looking for a more sexual relationship, which may be great or awkward. Be careful about splurging for gifts dealing with grooming or exercise as they may backfire and cause your date to believe that you are dissatisfied with the way they look and want to change them.
2. Family Gatherings
When contemplating inviting a date to a family gathering, first consider whether an extra guest is welcome. Is there room at the dinner table and will your family feel comfortable with a virtual stranger joining them? The nature of the gathering can also determine the appropriateness of inviting someone special. If it’s a cocktail party with extended family and close friends, then a date will be appropriate. However, if it’s an intimate gift exchange amongst siblings than perhaps inviting your friend later would be a better bet.
Consider your date’s feelings too. Will s/he feel comfortable with off-key family Christmas caroling or being asked my your nosey aunt when you two will be getting married because you “look so adorable together.”
3. The Office Party
With dinner, drinks, and dancing, why not bring along someone to share in the fun? Having a date can also prevent a potentially embarrassing interoffice hook-up. However, turning an office party into an opportunity for holiday dating presents a few concerns similar to family gatherings. Are dates welcome at the event? If your company is budget-conscious, they may not allow dates to come. Will your date enjoy spending time with your co-workers? Since you’re the only one s/he knows, it’s especially important to make sure you don’t abandon your date during the evening.
4. Differing Beliefs
If you’re seeing someone that has a different religious belief, holiday dating can highlight conflicts in your spiritual thought process/beliefs. The key to avoiding problems is to be open and honest about your comfort level at all times. Don’t feel obligated to go to your date’s house of worship if you feel uncomfortable partaking in the religious rituals. As long as you are open and communicate your concerns you both can have a better time getting through the holiday season. It may also allow you the opportunity to see if you are both compatible in this area and if your relationship has the potential to last.
5. Work, Work And More Work
If you find that the case you are working on or the budget deal is cutting into your personal life, hopefully you can steal away and attend at least one gathering that will be meaningful this holiday season.. A lot of busy professionals find themselves working against the clock to finish projects before the chime strikes twelve on New Years and we are now into another tax year. Try to pace it, get your sleep but find some balance between work and play–it’s important for your mental sanity as well as your emotional well being. —
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