An Upscale Matchmaker: How to Choose the One for You?

Considering boosting your love life by hiring a matchmaker?  Make sure you are choosing an upscale matchmaker who best suits your needs.  Shopping for a matchmaking service can be a daunting task with so many options out there, but the search does not have to add headache to heartache.

Here are some helpful tips for choosing a quality matchmaker, some suggested questions to ask, and a few other ideas that may help you on your search for love.

Tips for choosing an Upscale Matchmaker:

  • The Matchmaker should be the person interviewing you and working with you throughout your membership.  An upscale matchmaker should develop a great rapport with all clients, because by knowing them personally, the matches created will be more genuine and thought out.   Question to Ask: Will I be working with you throughout my membership; will you be the one arranging matches for me?
  • The Matchmaker should not outsource to telemarketers.  If a telemarketer calls you regarding a matchmaking service, look elsewhere.  Politely explain that you would rather work with a more personalized service that respects the individuals’ sense of confidentiality and personalization.  Be proactive in searching, there are other options out there! Question to Ask: Are you calling from the company or are you outsourced?
  • The Matchmaker should only promise what they can deliver.  Be weary of a matchmaker who starts telling you they have a bunch of great introductions for you before they have even met you in person. There is no possible way for them to know you and match you appropriately without having the opportunity of getting to know you first.  Question to Ask: Don’t you think we should meet in person so that you can better service me and work within the parameters of my requests?
  • The Matchmaker should work in your local area.  It is known that there are matchmaking services out there that claim they have offices in several territories, but unbeknownst to the customer they are merely publishing a toll-free number that is remoted elsewhere, sometimes 2000 miles away!  Please understand, that if the matchmaker you are researching is not located in your city, they will not have the opportunity to meet everyone within that territory’s database and may not be able to provide you with viable matches. This concern brings me back to the first item in Part 1 about making sure that the person that is the matchmaker will be working with you directly, and not outsourcing your search to compensated scouts. Question to Ask: Do you have an office in my area and where is it located?
  • The Matchmaker should cater to individuals with similar backgrounds; ethnic and affinity groups. The matchmaker you choose should have a database of clientele who share your similar demographics. Talk to them about what is important to you and what your future goals might be. Question to Ask: Do you have many clients that are similar to my background/religion? …do they share some of the same values?
  • The Matchmaker should have a reasonable ratio of men to women within each age range.  Often women show more interest in working with matchmakers and thus the volume of inquiries from women tend to be higher. Matchmakers need to be careful and keep the men-women ratios even in order to service everyone properly. Question to Ask: Does your service keep a fair balance of men to women within all age ranges?
  • The Matchmaker should allow you to place your membership on hold at any time throughout the term.  Should you meet a potential mate through the service or elsewhere, you should be allowed to take your time and explore that relationship.  Question to Ask: Can I freeze my membership and for how long can the membership be frozen?
  • The Matchmaker should provide a membership with a term that has a reasonable time frame.  If the matchmaker is offering an extended membership spanning well over a year, this may not be to your advantage.  If lengthy memberships are offered, make sure the company can service you well throughout the entire term of the agreement. Question to Ask: How long is the typical membership and what type of membership would you suggest for me?
  • The Matchmaker should have an impeccable reputation and a good track record.  It is a good idea to research every matchmaker you are considering.  Compare a few companies in minutes by researching their reputations online. Simply go onto your favorite search engine, type in the name of the matchmaker and see what pops up!  If you notice a lot of negative comments, keep searching; the company you choose should be receiving rave reviews. Question to Ask:  What is your success rate?  Have you been involved in any law suits regarding servicing your clients?
  • The Matchmaker should quote a price for their services before you meet in person.  A reputable, upscale matchmaker should gladly offer their prices to you before you meet. Ask questions about their service and what fees they charge for basic memberships. If they refuse to tell you then be careful, you might be wasting your time meeting them as you might discover their fees are not affordable in your budget.  Question to Ask:  What type of memberships do you offer and what are the prices/terms involved?
  • The Matchmaker should inquire about your current dating status.  A seasoned matchmaker will only work with emotionally available individuals, so if they don’t ask you about your status, find out why. In this present day, many individuals are divorced and dating; matchmakers work with a large volume of divorced clients. It is imperative that the matchmaker be discerning about their clients’ emotional well being, for it is only those that have healed from a nasty divorce can they be emotionally ready to establish a new loving and lasting relationship.  Question to Ask: Are all of the clients that you work with emotionally ready to establish a loving relationship? Can you work with me if I am newly divorced?
  • A Matchmaker should go over the process and what is involved.  Different companies use different criteria to match, make sure you are in agreement before the membership begins.  This is a good time to remember that investing in an upscale matchmaker is an investment in yourself and your love life.  Question to Ask:  How is your company unique?  What do you base your matching on?

In conclusion I always recommend that you do your homework and research the industry prior to being “sold” by the first company you call. Matchmakers should be researched, interviewed and evaluated in the same serious manner as you would research, interview and evaluate a personal accountant or attorney. Good luck on your quest for love!
Now, here are the Pros and Cons when weighing other options other than matchmakers:

Pros – Inexpensive and hundreds of singles available for review at your finger tips
Cons – Using online dating sites involve a high chance of misrepresentation, safety concerns, and can be more time consuming than you think.

Dating Service Franchises
Pros – This is an affordable way to join a matchmaking service, and you’ll be thrown plenty of dates.
Cons – Lower level of personalization or attention, large turnover in staff which can result in a lack of communication when considering your feedback and personal requests.

-Relying on friends to set you up
Pros – Using this method can expand your social circles; make double dating easier. In addition, your friend knows this person and can verify their background.
Cons – Your friends are not seasoned matchmakers and often the setups are mismatched. You might find out you have nothing in common with your date(s), other than you both share a friendship with the same friend. If the date is a true disaster, it may create unease with your friendship with the person setting up your dates.

-Meeting people through work and dating them
Pros – These people are there, available, in front of you.
Cons – Sometimes there are rules for inter office relationships, so be careful.  Also, if you end up dating someone at work be conscious about how the relationship might end because if it doesn’t end well, your work life and your personal life will be intertwined and can both be negatively affected.

Christie Nightingale

The New Rules of Attraction

When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that any single person would be a fool to not follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: If you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules single people follow need a little revamping.

Old rule: In three seconds you can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone and they have the potential for a relationship
New rule: In three dates you can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone and they have the potential for a relationship.
As a matchmaker for over a decade, the rule of three dates needs to be applied!  I have worked with hundreds of singles who have gone out on first dates only to walk away from their experiences without much enthusiasm. While they enjoyed meeting each other they didn’t feel instant chemistry. Through my encouragement I’ve gotten many of them to go out on a second date, which lead to a third date and eventually the beginnings of a loving relationship! Cosmopolitan Magazine recently polled hundreds of women across America and discovered that if single gals gave their dates a chance and went out a second or even a third time with them (and mind you, these were with guys they weren’t initially crazy about), 8 out of 10 of the women polled admitted that they fell in love with their gentlemen callers and are now dating them exclusively.

Old rule: Your date must meet all the criteria on your “check list”

New rule: Your date might meet some of your criteria on your “check list”
Singles often create long laundry lists of criteria that must be met when searching for a mate.  The list is often developed and lengthened through time based on bad dating experiences from the past. While we learn and grow from our experiences, try not to write off everyone that might bring certain qualities to the table (they have a child, they were brought up in a different religion, they’re older). Every person is unique; no two individuals are exactly alike so, try to explore and stay open minded.

Old rule: Your first kiss should be fireworks

New rule: Your first kiss is inconsequential
That first kiss is going to be awkward. You just met!  You’re both a little nervous. You’re not completely relaxed.  Don’t analyze it too much.

Old rule: You know its true love when you think about the person constantly and become obsessed.

New rule: You know its true love when the person makes you feel good all over and you experience a sense of calm.

When you’re in love with someone you should feel really good about yourself and feel emotionally content. The person brings joy and pleasure into your life. If you find yourself becoming obsessed, try to control your emotions. Love often needs recognition but it can’t be forced down someone’s throat.

How to help prevent adultery in a marriage

[brightcove vid=959493297001&exp3=180211731001&surl=,AAAAGuN0bcE~,rS1wzGXkRNnKZBuQ4FRjFM7e28yVdmek&w=486&h=412]

Over the past couple of weeks, news headlines have been dominated by men behaving badly. So why are so many people looking for love or lust outside of their own bedrooms? Watch my interview on Let’s Talk Live.