“Chemistry.” It’s a word that enters into most of the discussions that we have here at Prem-ier Match. Almost daily we talk with clients about the “chemistry” they feel or do not feel as they date through our program. But what does this word chemistry actually mean? When most people use this word, it generally means that two people feel such a strong emotional connection to one another that they cannot wait to see each other again. Now, this may be the most traditional kind of chemistry, but it’s certainly not the only type. According to our internal research here at Premier, that earth-moving sensation can take many forms. To help you deal with all of those wild feelings you may have for someone, we’ve listed three of the most common types of attraction you may experience:
Chemistry #1: The Chemistry of “Comfortability”
Have you ever been with someone who seems to finish your thoughts? Someone who is so easy to talk to that you can drop any social facades that you may usually rely on? This is the world of comfort chemistry—that unforced connection that can exist between two peo-ple. “People who share this chemistry often feel like they’re a unit,” says Harry Reis, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. “When they talk to each other, they almost feel like they’re talking to themselves.”
We have witnessed some Premier clients expressing worry that this type of chemistry is more likely to propel them directly into the “friend zone.” However, we often coach clients to not fret, the compatibility they’re feeling can often lead to lust later. When you fall in love, the elevated activity of dopamine can affect levels of testosterone and trigger a heightened sex drive.
Chemistry #2: We “Make Each Other Laugh” Chemistry
If you were to ask a group of 10 people to give you a wish list of what they look for in a potential partner, a good sense of humor seems to always end up on their lists. “Everybody likes to laugh,” says Kate Wachs, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies. “We’re all looking for a mate that helps us have fun.” Many researchers have even found that laughing together increases how physically attractive people appear to each other. It can be a big mistake to simply relegate the class clown types to the role of “great to invite to a party.” Anytime there’s laughter, long-term affections usually follow.
Chemistry #3: The “So Much In Common” Chemistry
Finding common interests with your potential mate is, without a doubt, high on the list of priorities—whether that’s a love of a certain genre of music, or a love of visiting select locations around the world. We tend to gravitate towards people who share similar inter-ests with us. Not only do common interests make spending time together pleasant, but sharing an activity you both enjoy allows you to get to know each other in a neutral envi-ronment that you are both inherently comfortable in. The hallmarks of these experiences often provide a basis for developing relished memories, and a solid relationship down the road.
So in conclusion, when you are dating, see if you can identify with these three types of chemistry. Keep an open mind and try to get a firsthand feeling of each! Even if you don’t feel that “lightning bolt” sensation when you first meet a potential mate, the two of you may still develop excellent chemistry in one form or another.