Have you ever started dating someone and became so totally enamored with that individual that it resulted in a very unhealthy relationship? Your behavior became obsessive which caused your relationship to crash and burn? Well, some single people suffer from unhealthy emotional attachments in relationships. They can’t understand why they continually end up alone and frustrated. At Premier Match we have coached clients on their dating behavior and have explored previous relationship histories. Through our counsel we were able to identify unhealthy dating patterns and offer guidance in order to achieve loving and lasting relationships.
For this blog, we wanted to share some of the common patterns we’ve documented, and then share some tips on how to break free from unhealthy emotional attachments while dating.
Recognizing the Patterns
According to psychologists, it’s very important to be able to recognize unhealthy emotional attachments. But what are some of the behaviors/patterns? Some may appear more obvious than others. Here are the Top Four. Do any of these seem familiar to you?
- Experiencing Constant Whirlwind Romances. What this looks like is the inability to discern appropriate boundaries….it is identified as the “whirlwind romance.” Is this a common occurrence for you? Do you jump into a relationships really fast and become too close too soon? Are you in perpetual relationship cycles? Unfortunately because you don’t know the other party on a deeper level, these are shallow relationships and tend to end just as fast as they began.
- Becoming Clingy and Desperate to find someone who “Completes You.” This is also shallow but also adds an element of delusion to the mix. You meet someone and will do anything to make it work, even though it doesn’t feel right and the interest is not being reciprocated. You become “clingy,” and try to fill a gap with anyone in order to fulfill your “other half.” Unfortunately the problem here is that you’re putting too much emphasis on the other person which isn’t healthy. No one can “complete you” if you’re not able to live a fulfilled life on your own.
- Someone is Giving you Attention – They must be Your Forever Soul Mate. Wow, someone paid you some attention, offered you compliments and said all the right things. They must be The One if they’re so romantic and they’re already talking about a future together, right? Wrong! We all know about looking for love in all the wrong places and with all the wrong people. Well, it happens more than we’d like to admit and it’s unfortunate that there are people out there that will unfairly lead you on very quickly and say all the things you want to hear. Pay attention to the situation and see it for what it is. If you know yourself you can stay strong and not get sucked into short lived romantic fantasies, because people that act this way towards you usually do not stick around long.
- Power is what you’re Attracted to…Not the Person. This one is very real as well. It’s about being attracted to wealthy people in positions of power and influence. Power can act like an aphrodisiac. It can cause a person to get caught up in all the flash and glory of what money can buy. The lavish lifestyle, the galas, the jets, rubbing elbows with celebrities. All great fun – but what about the relationship itself and the person you’re with? Are you receiving genuine love and affection? Are you being respected and treated kindly, aside from enjoying all the monetary indulgences? Pay attention to this. Focus on the person you are with as a human being and see them for who they really are. Because after a while (when the champagne bubbles clear), you may begin to feel empty inside, lonely and miss the intimacy of true love. The realm of reality with this relationship may unfortunately lead to more delusion and hurt.
How to Let Go of these Patterns
So after reading through some of the patterns above, can you relate to one or a few of them? If so, maybe writing down some of your past experiences and reflecting on them will shed more light on a general pattern that has developed. In addition, try to honestly answer these questions below:
- Do you always date the same types of people over and over again? Ask yourself why.
- Do you always encounter dating disasters? Or experience relationships that seem strange and end in crazy ways? Who (or what) is the common denominator here?
- Might YOU be the problem here?
Overall, we have to acknowledge that we are all responsible for our own actions; no one else is to blame. You can choose to be happy or chose to be a victim in dating. Letting go of unhealthy emotional attachments will definitely help you move forward in a positive dating direction. Don’t let anyone hold you back from happiness because of something that you’ve been told or something you’ve read on “this is the way it’s supposed to be.” Live in the real world with real people, and try to form healthy emotional attachments with others who will reciprocate.
Be reassured ~ there is a happy ending that can be found at the end of the dating rainbow, but you have to really know yourself and be happy within before you can find it!