At Premier Match we facilitate hundreds of introductions over the course of a month. After each date happens we receive feedback from both parties to get a better perspective on how things went and if second dates might be arranged. While the feedback assists us in fine tuning a client’s search, it also provides a wealth of information on how men and women interact; what is being said, understood and at times misinterpreted. Women are very acute to paying attention to details ~ what is verbally promised and what actions imply second and/or third dates.
Gentlemen this blog post is for you – Are you sending out the right signals when dating or not? Here are a few examples of what we mean:
Women pay attention to what a man says more than he what he does even though it’s known that actions speak louder than words. If you say you are going to do something like take her to a concert later this month and then you never mention it again, she is going to fixate more on the fact that you said you were going to do something rather than you just didn’t do it and didn’t explain why.
With regard to calling after a date, it is better to say, “I will talk to you soon” rather than “I will talk to you tomorrow.“ Women take these types of statements literally and they notice when the call doesn’t come in “tomorrow.” Even if you’re a day late, they will remember that you didn’t call the day you were supposed to. So keep your statement more open and broad and say “I will call you soon.” This way you won’t be penalized for your efforts.
If you’re really not interested in a woman, then don’t plan another date with her. In the dating arena, it should be known that people are not looking for “new friends,” they are looking for relationships. If you ask someone out for another date it will be presumed that there is some romantic interest. However, if you aren’t certain as of yet how you feel about someone, it is okay to go out again and try to figure your feelings out; no one is expected to know instantaneously if someone is right for them for the long haul and sometimes it takes a few tries to figure that out.
Texting back and forth after a date will imply romantic interest. If you like the woman and see potential with her – great, then text her and enjoy the banter. However, if you simply want to text back and forth because it’s fun and you really don’t have any interest in pursuing her, then don’t participate in this kind of interaction. Friendship might be a possibility in the future, but during this stage in the game it will be misinterpreted that you are looking for something more.
Talking to your date about the other women you are dating gives off a mixed message. Yes, when we were high school, it was fun to make another person jealous by boasting how “popular” we are, but not at this stage in life; conversations involving other women should not come up. Consider it understood that in the world of dating you (as well as the other party) are out there meeting different people and going out on other dates. Keep your active social life to yourself and think of other topics that are more considerate to discuss.
Kissing if you are not romantically interested in someone throws off a huge mixed signal. If you aren’t romantically interested and you know that the other person is, please don’t make out with her for the fun of it. The woman is going to expect to hear from you again and is going to expect that the two of you will be going out on another date. Why wouldn’t she expect that? And keep in mind that even if the kiss was “just okay” the recipient is still going to expect another date because first date kisses always deserve a “do-over” given the awkwardness of the moment.
No kiss also gives a signal. If someone leans in for a kiss and you turn your cheek, or greet them with sealed lips (even if you’re nervous), this will imply that you are not romantically interested. If you were actually interested and sent the wrong signal by accident, you need to let the lady know right away. Perhaps the next day, send a text and be cute, “had fun last night, looking forward to trying that “end part” again!” The best way to clarify a mixed signal is to give a clear signal or at least a signal that has a hint of clarity!