Is this fledgling relationship worth pursuing?
You’ve met someone pretty special. You’ve gone out with them more than a few times now. You’ve just completed your fourth date and are looking forward to the fifth. So how are things going? Does it appear that things are taking hold? By now you should have a pretty good idea if the fledgling relationship is worth pursuing.
Naturally you’ve been searching for red flags along the way. But if you haven’t really discovered any and the relationship seems quite promising – than bravo!… there is hope that this one might take hold! Let’s review what has gone on so far, and hone in on some of the qualities and traits you should be looking for in a relationship that will stick.
1). You feel comfortable being yourself around him/her:
In the first couple of dates, you will naturally put your best self forward and try to minimize the exposure of your shortcomings. However, this requires a lot of energy, and eventually you’ll want to let your guard down so you can start to get to know each other properly. By the fifth date, you should be able to acknowledge whether or not you feel comfortable around them and if they make you feel good about yourself. There shouldn’t be any feelings of anxiety or insecurity at this point. If you do experience uncomfortable feelings, try to figure out why.
2). The conversation has progressed to the next level:
In the first couple of dates, the conversations tend to follow a safe and predictable script. “What do you do?” “Where have you traveled?” and so forth. However, by the end of the fourth date you should be well past this basic small talk and the conversations should be flowing in a more natural, unscripted fashion. If this hasn’t happened then it may become awkward and perhaps the reality is you may not have as much in common as you should with this person in order to proceed.
3). They show humility and compassion:
One of the most important things that a partner should possess is humility and compassion. You want to make sure you are with someone who is able to open up and be frank about themselves and admit to some of their own flaws and shortcomings. Do you sense some humility in this person? Pay attention to what is being said. If they are brash, or come across as arrogant and disrespectful, it might be a good idea to consider moving on.
4). Your interests are in check:
By now you should have an understanding of what your potential partner is into and what they do with their spare time. While you shouldn’t expect to share every interest in common, you should have at least a couple of shared interests that you both enjoy. These interests will be important later to sustain the relationship, so make sure that you can identify a few. They can be any interest ~ from sports and fitness to travel to cooking to the type of movies or music you like.
5). There are shared values and common goals:
You will find it much easier to date and find a partner if you know what your values are and you know what values you are looking for. Are you both on the same page here? As long as you pay attention to what is mentioned in passing and in casual conversation, you should be able to tell whether this person is at least potentially compatible in terms of values. If they are blatantly incompatible in this regard then you may need to think again. You can handle different values while the infatuation period continues, but once those rose-tinted glasses come off then this will become an issue that will be way more important as time goes on.
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