Mistake #1: – Believing That What Attracts Him to You is the Same Thing You Find Attractive in Him
You look great for your age. You’re educated. You make your own money. You’re smart, analytical, resilient, driven, ambitious, and independent. You know what you’re worth and, after a few bad experiences, you’ve vowed never to compromise to be with anyone who isn’t up to par.
Yet every once in a blue moon, you meet a man who makes the cut.
Your attraction is strong. Your connection is real. Your chemistry is white hot.
You dive into a relationship … and he breaks up with you a few months later.
Next thing you know, he’s involved with another woman who isn’t nearly as attractive, successful, or impressive as you are. And you scratch your head and wonder what head injury this man has suffered to choose such a woman.
Why would he give you up for her? It’s completely confusing… unless you understand men. Then, it makes perfect sense:
What you’re looking for in a man is NOT what he’s looking for in a woman.
- He doesn’t care if you’re smarter than he is.
- He doesn’t care what you do for a living or if you have a healthy bank account.
- He doesn’t care if you’re cultured and well-traveled and sophisticated about the finer things.
Thus, your strongest traits – your intelligence, your success, your independence, your drive – don’t matter as much to him. He wants what he can’t get from his male
A man wants a woman who makes him feel good, who makes him feel loved and secure. He wants someone who makes him feel sexy and trusted.
Regardless of what you do for a living, how successful you are, or even how beautiful you are, if you don’t consistently make him feel good when he’s with you, he’s going to disappear and find a woman who does.
Mistake #2: – You’re Being Too Proactive
Men win you over by giving to you. We ask you out. We call you. We pay for dates. We initiate sex. We ask for commitment. We propose marriage. We give. You receive. Reverse this order by asking him out, initiating sex, asking for commitment, or proposing marriage, and a masculine guy will feel, well, emasculated. Thus, if you want a masculine guy, your greatest move is to embrace your passive feminine side.
You may hate the word passive. You may think it sounds like a 1950’s housewife, or a helpless woman who can’t do anything for herself.
Being passive doesn’t mean that you can’t do anything proactive. It means that you’re choosing not to do anything proactive, because being proactive during courtship is ineffective in making a man feel attracted to you.
Here are a few common examples of being proactive:
- You have a great date, you email him the next day to say you had a lot of fun.
- You haven’t heard from him all weekend, you text him to make sure he’s doing okay.
- You want to see him next week, you tell him his favorite band is playing downtown and you can get tickets.
- You’re confused about where your relationship stands, you ask him where things are headed.
You think you’re being real; he thinks you’re acting clingy. Understand, the man of your dreams doesn’t NEED to be pushed to be your boyfriend.
The disconnect is this: You want men to actively pursue you. But most men do not want to be actively pursued. The only guys who do are really shy, really insecure, or really clueless about women. Most men will value you more if they have to win you over. That’s what guys mean about a “challenge”. So step away from “The Rules,” which tell you to refuse to return his calls or act like you’re busy when you’re not. All I´m asking you to do is embrace your receptive feminine energy.
Continue to push men for dates, commitment or clarity, and watch them run away.
Mistake #3: You Worry Too Much About Getting Hurt Again
You’ve probably been hurt by guys in the past.
One boyfriend may have cheated on you. Another may have dated you for three years but didn’t want to get married. Another might have been a friends-with-benefits guy who never wanted a relationship with you.
And because you’ve had these life experiences, you’re determined to learn from them. You tell yourself that you’re never going to find yourself in that position again. So you become vigilant. You look for the signs. You seek “red flags” and instantly dismiss a man you even SUSPECT is going to be a player, a commitment phobe or a wishy-washy loser.
You ask him probing questions on the first date, looking for chinks in his armor.
You make it perfectly clear about what you will or won’t tolerate up front.
You ask where your relationship is going after the third date.
Then you wonder why he disappeared.
Here’s the deal:
Men are not heartbreakers looking for our next victim. It is never our goal to hurt you at any point in time. Like you, we’re not sure what will make us happy. All we know is that we’ll know it when we see it.
But you’ve gotta give us the chance to reveal ourselves over time.
Push your boyfriend to know where things are going too soon and you’ll quickly find that they’re not going anywhere at all.
How can you learn about a man and protect yourself without scaring him away?
Fortunately, it’s not that hard to show you how to make different choices in your love life – choices that lead to more nurturing, stable, meaningful relationships without compromising your needs or risking that a good man will disappear on you.