Here at Premier, we have worked with many singles that have ended serious relationships and are now attempting to begin dating again. Some clients have suffered through very difficult breakups while others seemed to have had an easier experience with it; sensing relief and excitement in “jumping back into the pool.”
According to one scientific study, the average person needs approximately 3 months to recover following a serious breakup. Of course, if you’ve recently been through a breakup of your own, you might be questioning this finding – the pain inflicted from an especially traumatic split can feel like it’ll last a lifetime. No two people handle a breakup in the same way, and no two breakups are exactly alike in their circumstances. So it is important to look within and recognize some of the common signs that will confirm that you are truly ready to get out there and meet new people. Overall, there is no rush, take your time, value your recovery, and then get back into the game when you’ve had enough time to heal.
Below are some tips that we offer our clients during coaching sessions, read through these tips and ask yourself where you stand with your emotions:
Determine if you are truly over it.
Be honest with yourself: Are you still an emotional wreck when you merely think about your breakup? Do you constantly find yourself wondering what you did wrong, or how you could have salvaged the doomed relationship? If so, then you’re not over it just yet. But if you can talk to friends and family about your breakup without feeling upset, regretful, or bursting into tears, then you may be ready to move on.
Take in what you’ve learned and realize this experience helped you grow more aware.
Breakups are rarely easy, but one of the plus sides of a failed relationship is that it can teach you more about what you want (and don’t want) in your next romance. Maybe your jobless “ex” has led you to realize just how important it is to find somebody who’s as motivated and driven as you are; or maybe your uptight past-partner has helped you understand how important a sense of humor is in a healthy relationship. If your last relationship has now made you feel more confident about what you want in your next partner, it means you’ve emotionally matured.
Now that you’ve moved on, can you now prioritize dating?
Let’s face it: dating is a commitment in more ways than one. It takes a lot of time and effort to get out and meet new people, let alone get to truly know them. This is why it’s important to analyze where you’re at in your life and determine whether you realistically have time to start dating. If you’re swamped with work, trying to finish school, or have other obligations taking priority, it might be better to wait until you have more time to dedicate to dating. However, if you find yourself staying in simply to watch Netflix every Friday and Saturday night, this might be a good indication that you need to invest time on more important things, like dating!
Remember to focus on yourself for a while and enjoy some Independence.
Many people that are newly single feel this need to fill the void as quickly as possible. Being alone feels foreign, uncomfortable and scary. Try to recognize this. Don’t latch on to the next person that comes along simply because you can’t stand being alone. Most people who have reclaimed their freedom after a breakup have felt it was the best thing they could have done for themselves. Think about it, you can now do whatever you want! This new found liberty can give you a great chance to focus on betterment and self-love. In the meantime, if you feel you have taken the time to improve yourself, appreciate what it means to live independently, and still feel like your life would be best shared with an amazing person, then hey – maybe you should get back into the dating ring.
Ultimately, only you can determine whether or not you’re ready to start dating again. If you choose to, ease into it and keep things as casual as possible at first. Just remember, the here and now is temporary and you have a lot to look forward to as you begin this new journey!