Do Soul Mates Exist?
When the term “soul mate” is mentioned, most people have one of two reactions; they either roll their eyes in contempt about the whole idea, or they smile and fill up with warm and fuzzy feelings. For years it seems that most people have bought into the soul mate concept ~ the notion that there is one true love out there that will sweep them away, a prince/princess that is perfect in every way, a fantasy relationship that will evolve into a fairy tale wedding which will then begin a life’s journey of happily ever after.
However, realistically if you’ve been through a series of relationships, dating, marriage, or otherwise, you probably feel that a soul mate is simply a term that should not be tossed around so lightly.
Over the years, most adults who previously subscribed to the soul mate idea have come to understand that they are the common denominator. So, if you are the person who has gone through soul mate after soul mate, you might need to examine what it is that you expect from a relationship and wake up to a new reality!
Let’s examine this: What is the story you’ve been telling yourself? That Mr. or Ms. Right will come along and check all the right boxes of your criteria and be a perfect fit? Maybe a good idea would be to try and change your thoughts and switch your perspective to one that acknowledges that a true mate is a person who stretches you, who challenges you, who causes you to want to be and do more. A true mate is a person who will love you unconditionally; not just a lover who will stick by you during you successes, but will also be there to support you when you fail. A true soul mate is a person who sees you for who you are, and will hang in there for the long run.
Of course, your part and contribution is also to be loving and supporting; be a soul mate in return.
Tips on What to Give Your Loved One For Valentine’s Day
Here are 10 Creative Ways you can Express Your Love—This Valentine’s Day….
· Create your own Valentine’s Day card. Be creative and compose a poem or an expression of love that states your feelings. S/He will be emotionally touched by this. Follow it up with popping open a great bottle of wine or champagne!
· Make a CD of your favorite songs as a couple including love songs that have meaning to you both. Buy some romantic CDs, classic videos or DVDs and wrap them all together with red ribbon.
· Create a Video reel of live footage and still photography and add your favorite songs. You can create a simple video by purchasing video editor software on to your computer. With today’s technology this is easy and cheap to do.
· If video editing is too complicated, than buy an Electronic Picture Frame and put your best photos as a couple in to it. This is a perfect gift to remind your beloved that they are special.
· Jewelry is always a favorite. Custom engrave selected items: For the Lady in your life ~ buy a heart-shaped locket and put your picture in it. Personalize the locket with your loved one’s initials so she’ll have something to wear that’s hers alone. For the man in your life ~ a good choice is the classic sterling silver bill holder, card case or cuff links with his initials custom-engraved.
· Prepare your loved one’s favorite dinner and serve it on a romantically set table and dine by candlelight on Valentine’s Day. For the sweetheart with a sweet tooth, make a decadent dessert such as a chocolate fondue with melted chocolate mixed with a touch of heavy cream, and serve it with fruit or cookies.
· Give the love of your life a personalized gift for his/her favorite sport, (if s/he has a passion for it). Order personalized golf or tennis balls that say, “I love you,” “You’re a hit!” or “Be mine.” Other ideas are monogrammed workout towels, tote bags, yoga mats, etc.
· Create a “recollection collection” filled with love letters, keepsakes from special occasions, and cherished mementos. You can buy a simple plastic box and place these favorite items in this container. And more importantly you can add more items as your relationship grows over time.
· Make a Love Basket filled with items that cover all the senses: Sight, Hearing, Taste, Touch, and Smell. Be creative with each gift that fits each category (i.e. a sexy picture of yourself for Sight, delectable sweets for Taste, their favorite fragrance for Smell, etc).
· The gift of togetherness is precious, given today’s busy lifestyles. Plan a romantic, surprise weekend travel getaway. Whether it be a cozy Inn by the ocean or a little cabin in the woods. Make it romantic! How booking a day at the spa? Schedule dual massages and a day to relax and enjoy each other.
Single on Valentine’s Day? It’s not the end of the world.
No date on V-Day? Have a girls' night!
If you’re single, you know what day is coming up. Walk into any store and you’ll see red hearts and candy and, quite possibly, the two most dreadful words of all: Valentine’s Day.
Whether you believe in the whole V-Day institution or not, if you’re single you still can feel pangs of longing and loneliness so much so that you’d like to hide. But being dateless on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be the worst thing that could ever happen to you. So, what is a person to do when they’re feeling the blues of being single?
First of all, don’t be defeated by it. As the logical half of you knows, love is not about one day. It’s not about flowers or candy. Instead of thinking of this day as a day for couples, think of it as a day for you. After all, love isn’t just for couples.
But being dateless on Valentine’s Day can evoke feelings of self-doubt, especially for those who are believers in true love. This holiday is portrayed in the media, particularly, in relentless flower, fragrance, and jewelry advertising, as the singular day of year set aside for love, romance, and passion.
To ward off those feelings of self-doubt and loneliness, use the following tips:
1. Do not define yourself by your relationship status. A relationship is not your identity. Being single doesn’t make you any less of a person. Remember: Love comes along when you least expect it.
2. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It’s not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you’re saving.
3. Stay away from cooing couples. Do not go out to eat on Valentine’s Day. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else, anything else. Get together with friends, family members, and others you already have relationships with.
4. If you’re single and you don’t want to be: Think about what’s in the way of creating the relationship you want. Do you still struggle with issues from past relationships? Talking to someone can always help. Whether it’s a therapist or a close friend, use this time to focus on yourself.
5. If you’re single and you like it: Now is the time to affirm your choice. Don’t let a couple-driven culture define your choice. People who never marry or find a partner still have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives worth living.
2015 : New Year’s Dating Tips
The New Year has begun! You have made your resolutions, you’re ready for a new you and it’s time to prepare yourself to find a beautiful partner to share your life with.
Enjoy these tips in the New Year. We have seen the proof that they work and could offer you that extra jump on your dating life in 2015. Read on:
Who Are You?
“More personal than an elevator pitch, less detailed than an autobiography” Create a list that describes who you are. This list should include everything from your interests and physical attributes, to what makes you laugh and what your goals are. Before you can introduce yourself to someone else, you must first know who you are, what you value, and what you’re seeking to find.
Is That You?
No one likes being deceived, whether intentionally or not. Be sure to have a friend with a steady hand take some high quality pictures of you. Playful and fun, sitting portraits and some shots with friends; express the sides of your personality through pictures and show people who they can expect to meet in person.
We’re all busy, but we all seem to make time for the things we like doing. As we progress into this New Year, schedule time every month to go out on at least two new dates, and push your self to at least explore second dates with some of them. Obviously you’ll want to vet those that don’t meet your top priorities, but with the ones that you “sorta” like, make the time to get to know them better and schedule a second (or even third) date with them.
Right, Not Wrong
When you meet, speak with, or go out with someone new, focus on the things that they do right, areas they’re strong in, and what they bring to the table. Don’t spend your time focusing on everything they don’t offer or what they are doing wrong.
Say It With Your Eyes
There is a lot to be said about the power of a wink, eye contact, and a smile. Overall men and women are somewhat reserved when it comes to approaching strangers. Use subtle communication with you eyes and try to smile. One of the biggest complaints we receive when clients go out on dates, is that they do not have good eye contact, and they need to smile more. So be aware of this when going out on dates.
A Brand New Year – Free yourself of Emotional Baggage
There’s no better time than the start of a brand New Year to start fresh in many areas of our lives. For those who are single and dating, that fresh start should include moving forward into new relationships without carrying emotional “baggage” from the past.
Picture a small child packing a backpack to prepare for school. That’s what we, as adults, sometimes do- we fill our mental backpacks with all the items, problems, issues, and difficulties we experienced in previous relationships and we shoulder them. We carry them around with us and we bring them into our new relationships and before you know it, they sabotage our chances for advancing.
Whether your backpack is filled with what-ifs, why’s, what could have been’s, fears, thoughts, or stories that don’t serve you… let them go! Take the backpack off, leave behind the baggage of whatever failures, hurts, or mistakes you or your previous partner made. It’s easier said than done, yes, but it’s entirely possible to leave the past in the past. Bring with you the memories, the things you learned, the growth you experienced, and offer those feelings towards your new partner. It’s inevitable that things that are less than ideal will happen in our lives, but it is empowering to know that we all have a choice as to what we choose to hold on to.
So, for this brand New Year, free yourself! Put down the backpack and embrace the new! The quicker you are to release it, the better you will feel.
6 Dating Mistakes to Stop Now!
Are You Scaring Him Off With Your Friends?
Let’s be honest- no one wants to be in the dating game forever. At Premier Match we see both the good and the bad aspects of dating and we also get tons of feedback about what our clients feel are things that should not be done. With that in mind, we put together a list of 6 things that women who are dating should stop doing:
1. Stop bringing your girlfriends. There’s a time for hanging out with your gal pals, and when you’re looking for a date, that isn’t the time. As bold as men try to come off , they are generally pretty shy, and when you are surrounded by or hanging with a group of girls, men are too scared to approach you. Approaching a woman and asking her out is scary enough; no man wants to do so in front of a girl’s too, and risk being publically humiliated. Instead, grab a coffee alone every now and then, or relax after work by yourself at the bar for happy hour. The less people you are with, the more approachable you are.
2. Stop trying to persuade him. Unlike women, men are not complex creatures. They see things in black and white- as yes or no- so when they first meet you, they know right away whether they like you or if they are interested in dating you. So don’t waste your time trying to change his mind or convincing him to ‘give it some time.’
3. Stop unproductive dating. Your time is valuable, and life is short. If you have found that your last handful of dates have turned out to be with people who weren’t your type, who were wrong for you, or who you never saw for a second date, stop for a minute. Take some time away from the dating scene and focus on yourself. You attract the energy that you emit, so if the ‘wrong’ types of people have been approaching you and asking you out, you need to address what’s going on with you in order to change that.
4. Stop spilling the beans. It’s very easy when dating to over-share information. You want to get to know the person you’re on a date with, and you want him to get to know you, but you end up telling and sharing way more than you should, and way too early in the relationship.
5. Stop hogging the conversation. If two of you are on a date, two of you should be having a conversation. Date talk is a back and forth, a talk some and listen some process. If you find yourself asking more questions than you’re receiving answers, or talking ten minutes compared to his 2 minutes, you aren’t allowing him to converse with you and therefore you’re learning little about him.
6. Stop forgetting your manners. No adult should have to be reminded to be courteous, express gratitude, and to be thoughtful. But especially on a date it is important to be friendly, smile, make eye contact, offer a compliment, and of course, always use please and thank you.
The Importance of Humor In Dating
It is often said that he (or she) who laughs, lasts. Apparently, the same can be applied to romances that last. According to a recent study, twenty-five percent of Americans say that a sense of humor is the single most important quality in a partner. Out of over one-thousand people asked, 34% of people who earned between $100k to just under $125k said humor was at the top of their list of qualities. It’s no surprise that Americans who were more financially secure found humor as the most important quality. Logically, when you eliminate the stress and worry of money, you can spend more time having fun and laughing.
Females and gay Americans ranked higher in listing humor as their top quality, while the over 65 age group, black American population, and divorced groups were the lowest populations in ranking humor as important. In total, one in every four Americans responded that a sense of humor was the quality they found most attractive and sought out in their first date partners.
Humor has also long been linked to intelligence, so seeking a partner who can make you laugh and who can also take a joke is a good indicator of a thinker and a person who was of significant mental intelligence.
So, to all those singles out there- loosen up, find the humor in life and be prepared to share a laugh on your first date!
Are men hardwired to be attracted to younger women?
It appears true! A recent study concluded and justified mens’ desires.
Yes, we all know that men have been attracted to younger women and are often given a hard time over this admission. Even at Premier Match, we have noticed that men regularly confess that they are more attracted to younger women and would like to meet younger women in our database. Why?
Well, it seems that a recent study in Scandinavia discovered it’s just the way they are hardwired. It appears men long for women in their 20’s/early 30’s because these women are at the prime of life and also the prime age for child rearing. Overall, the gentlemen in the study admitted that they found women in this age range to be the most alluring. Even if these men did not want children or have them already, for some reason they are just drawn to women in this age range. In other words, they just can’t help themselves! It turns out that men don’t just desire younger women for a chance to relive their youth; they are actually genetically predisposed to 20-somethings seemingly for the sake of procreation!
Now for women ~ the study revealed the ladies typically seek out and are attracted to men who are their age or are 1 to 4 years older than themselves. The women confessed that they typically seek out older men as partners because it satisfies their comfort level. Even if these women were not looking to have children or have them already, they are just drawn to men that are older, simply because it gives them a sense of security, resources, and the feeling that these men are “sharing the weight” in life.
So whether or not you feel the same, these findings appear to be more biological than just personal preferences! Interesting….
Some Ideas on How to Start Your Marriage Off On the Right Foot
Here at Premier Match, we have become accustomed to our clients entering into successful relationships. As such, we have seen many, if not 80% of them forming long lasting relationships. We have also married off hundreds of clients over the past two decades and many of them have invited us to celebrate their unions.
So, for those of you that have recently gotten married. . Congratulations!! We raise our glass to you! Now to keep that marriage going strong, here are some helpful tips to make sure it gets off to a great start~
Focus on Good Communication
Strong communication is one of the most important qualities any couple can have. When we say “strong” communication, we mean that both partners must always “hear” what the other person has to say without bringing any defensiveness into the conversation. Different couples will have different patterns of communication throughout their relationship. It’s imperative for you to identify both weak and strong spots in your communication early on in the relationship so you can work towards fixing these problems.
Organizing Your Finances
One of the biggest stress factors for newlywed couples, almost without fail, revolves around finances. When a couple decides that they are going to share a life together, it is important to make sure that there are no secrets whatsoever being kept on either side. This includes being honest about any bad spending habits, or being willing to compromise on your overly frugal ways. Make sure your partner knows about all your financial indiscretions before you decide to comingle your bank accounts.
We would suggest that you and your partner create a list of goals at the beginning of your marriage and come back to that list regularly to see how you are progressing. Obviously, since few things in life are perfect, this list may require some changes along the way. Even so, writing out both individual and joined goals can set up a working roadmap eventually leading to the end goal you both have in mind for your life together.
Every couple who has decided to take the plunge into marriage needs to be conscious of starting off on the right foot in order to ensure a growing, prosperous relationship. We at Premier Match have seen time and again that the above three tips can be an excellent starting point in accomplishing this.
Planning an Engagement Party
Close up on man putting on ring during marriage proposal in a classy restaurant
Congratulations! You popped the question and she said yes and now the two of you want to celebrate with those who are closest to you. The time has come to plan your engagement party, but where do you begin?
Engagement parties are a great time to begin brainstorming wedding ideas with friends and family and to celebrate your new “off the market” status.
With your budget in mind, you may want to first decide if your own home or the home of a relative or close friend can accommodate the number of guests you want to invite. Engagement parties are intimate affairs so you don’t need to try to invite everyone who will be a wedding guest. It is perfectly acceptable to keep your guest list to family, potential wedding party friends, and some other people with whom you are very close.
Together, as a couple, you can next decide the menu, the time of day, and the date of the festivities. It’s recommended that you send out invitations two weeks in advance and prepare a little speech for your guests.
As the party unfolds, you’ll want to thank your guests for attending and you may even want to share some stories or memories with those friends of yours who are meeting your partner for the first time. Engagement parties are exciting events and food, family, friends, champagne, and music make for the perfect combination for this exciting time. Don’t stress too much over the details of the engagement party- you will have plenty more wedding stresses in your near future; instead, focus on fun and the exciting anticipation of being married!
Chemistry In A Blossoming Relationship
“Chemistry.” It’s a word that enters into most of the discussions that we have here at Prem-ier Match. Almost daily we talk with clients about the “chemistry” they feel or do not feel as they date through our program. But what does this word chemistry actually mean? When most people use this word, it generally means that two people feel such a strong emotional connection to one another that they cannot wait to see each other again. Now, this may be the most traditional kind of chemistry, but it’s certainly not the only type. According to our internal research here at Premier, that earth-moving sensation can take many forms. To help you deal with all of those wild feelings you may have for someone, we’ve listed three of the most common types of attraction you may experience:
Chemistry #1: The Chemistry of “Comfortability”
Have you ever been with someone who seems to finish your thoughts? Someone who is so easy to talk to that you can drop any social facades that you may usually rely on? This is the world of comfort chemistry—that unforced connection that can exist between two peo-ple. “People who share this chemistry often feel like they’re a unit,” says Harry Reis, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. “When they talk to each other, they almost feel like they’re talking to themselves.”
We have witnessed some Premier clients expressing worry that this type of chemistry is more likely to propel them directly into the “friend zone.” However, we often coach clients to not fret, the compatibility they’re feeling can often lead to lust later. When you fall in love, the elevated activity of dopamine can affect levels of testosterone and trigger a heightened sex drive.
Chemistry #2: We “Make Each Other Laugh” Chemistry
If you were to ask a group of 10 people to give you a wish list of what they look for in a potential partner, a good sense of humor seems to always end up on their lists. “Everybody likes to laugh,” says Kate Wachs, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies. “We’re all looking for a mate that helps us have fun.” Many researchers have even found that laughing together increases how physically attractive people appear to each other. It can be a big mistake to simply relegate the class clown types to the role of “great to invite to a party.” Anytime there’s laughter, long-term affections usually follow.
Chemistry #3: The “So Much In Common” Chemistry
Finding common interests with your potential mate is, without a doubt, high on the list of priorities—whether that’s a love of a certain genre of music, or a love of visiting select locations around the world. We tend to gravitate towards people who share similar inter-ests with us. Not only do common interests make spending time together pleasant, but sharing an activity you both enjoy allows you to get to know each other in a neutral envi-ronment that you are both inherently comfortable in. The hallmarks of these experiences often provide a basis for developing relished memories, and a solid relationship down the road.
So in conclusion, when you are dating, see if you can identify with these three types of chemistry. Keep an open mind and try to get a firsthand feeling of each! Even if you don’t feel that “lightning bolt” sensation when you first meet a potential mate, the two of you may still develop excellent chemistry in one form or another.
Personality Traits That Can Harm a Relationship
As human beings, we all have habits or tendencies that make up our character and define our personality. Some of those habits, however can be the very things that cause divides in a relationship. Have a look at three bad habits that we hear about regularly from our clients at Premier Match. These three can all create relationship problems, but can also be avoided with a little bit of finessing:
1) Fault finding is a bad habit that can denigrate a person and ultimately an entire relationship. The more time you spend around a person the easier it is to have nuances and annoyances observed. Try to avoid pointing out every little fault that you feel your partner has; understand that you most likely have just as many that they put up with.
2) Three’s company may have been a good TV show, but it certainly should not be the model for your relationship. Don’t spend more time with your partner and a plus one than you do with just your partner. Family, friends, hobbies, TV or video games all count as an extra; spend a good amount of time with the person you are in relationship with, and leave the extras out of it.
3) We all know that issues and trouble surrounding money can quickly lead to relationship problems. Avoid getting into the habit of not discussing money, no matter how uncomfortable. A little discomfort as a result of discussing who will pay for what can help you avoid months of relationship problems. Although financial matters are a big relationship killer, they don’t have to be.
Dress Code on a First Date
Whether your first date is dinner and a movie, or a picnic in the park – dressing for the occasion means being confident and comfortable. Once you’ve both agreed on the details of your outing, you should start mentally preparing what you will be wearing. You will naturally want to dress to impress – however, a mistake that many people make when selecting their wardrobe for a date is being of the belief that they need to impress their dates over what they feel comfortable in. Obviously you want to look your best and leave a great impression, but don’t try to accommodate what you think your date would like over what you feel good in.
In our experience as professional matchmakers, nothing could be more distracting for you and detract from you having a good time than wearing something that doesn’t fit right or makes you feel self conscious.
Make sure to select fashions that are appropriate for the occasion and are flattering. If you have purchased something new, make sure to test it out beforehand. Sit in a chair and see if anything is tight, bulging, or showing what you didn’t intend to put on display. Can you comfortably walk, sit, and dance (you never know!) in what you’re wearing?
Dressing for a first date should be a fun thing! Show your creative side! but always select styles that will personally make you feel great. Let your clothes complement your confidence, and you will have a significantly higher chance of a successful and enjoyable first date!
Political Beliefs and Dating
At Premier Match, our main objective is to help our clients find the best possible romantic match and extend that match into a long term relationship. As we all know, no two people are exactly the same, and so it goes without saying that there will always be some differences between potential mates. We believe that this is very normal, healthy, and can actually be the cornerstone of a great relationship. After all, if everyone was exactly the same, life would be a bit boring wouldn’t it?
One of the differences that people seem to be the most concerned about is political beliefs. Can you become involved with someone who does not share your political beliefs? Will it cause undue strife in your blossoming relationship? Will you even be able to get along? These are some of the worries that we hear about on a pretty regular basis.
The answers to these questions will obviously vary between individual couples, but generally we have found that differences in political beliefs certainly don’t have to be a deal breaker, and can maybe even enhance a relationship. Consider the following:
-Even if you disagree politically, does that have to have an effect on your relationship? Most issues of a political nature will not be things that will have a direct effect on your relationship. Sure, you may have debate over certain issues, but at the end of the day it is very rare that a political issue is going to involve something that will every directly affect your relationship.
-People are mostly not all “right” or all “left”. You may have someone who’s financial views are conservative, but that doesn’t mean that every single belief that they have will be of a conservative nature. The same goes for someone with a more liberal view of things. Chances are that if you find someone that you are comfortable with, in most other ways, their belief system will probably have at least some things in common with yours.
What we see then is that political beliefs tend to have a similar effect on relationships as other types of beliefs and preferences. You might prefer vanilla ice cream, and she might prefer chocolate. That doesn’t make you in any way incompatible- and differences in political beliefs shouldn’t either.
How to Be a True Gentleman
In our society today, there tend to be two distinct camps when the conversation turns to the idea of what being a gentleman means. One side tends to feel that the idea of a “gentleman” is a thing of the past – and ancient relic. The other side believes that the rules of chivalry have not – and for that matter, cannot ever – be changed. Regardless of this debate, it is our position at Premier Match to coach our men to date successfully by being and acting like gentleman… at all times. Women appreciate appropriate behavior and expect it. So how can you date successfully in today’s society? Here are a few tips that we have put together based on our conversations with both men and women:
1) Good manners. This one seems to be towards the top of the list, whether you are talking to a man or a woman. This is simply a must, and it means not only being polite, but also being in control and well-mannered at all times – regardless of the situation.
2) Always Be the Best You Can Be. No one can be perfect obviously, however, one of the things that define a gentleman is his effort to be a decent and respectful human being. A true gentleman always pushes himself to improve his basic core and tries effortlessly to help others improve themselves as well.
3) Keep Your Promises. This one is self-explanatory. A gentleman respects others and therefore respects their time. So if you say you are going to call someone, follow through and call them. If you say you will meet someone at a certain time, be there promptly. Acting in this manner will help people to trust you- and being trustworthy is a large part of being a gentleman.
4) Be Attentive. Be aware of your surroundings and make sure that your girl is comfortable in any situation. If someone is giving her a hard time or making her feel uneasy, you should absolutely remove her from the situation. Also, be attentive and “in the moment” at all times. This means turning off your iphone and enjoying your time with her – and her alone – during your dates rather than focusing on your next incoming text or email. Unless you are a doctor on call or have a situation where it’s critical that someone can reach you during your date, turn the gadget off and engage the woman in front of you by giving her your full attention.
There are many components that go hand in hand with being a gentleman. The four above are a great starting point. Remember, if you want to stand out from the crowd and impress any woman while dating, we would suggest you review these categories and try to live by them.
The Importance of Confidence
At Premier Match, we meet and work with so many different types of men. Most are very successful in their lives, and from the outside would appear to be supremely confident individuals. However, this is not always the case when it comes to working with prospective clients that are seeking attractive women to date and establish long term relationships.
Why is this? Well, we have found that the core beliefs that someone has about themselves determine how confident they are, and in turn have a great effect on the results they achieve in certain parts of their lives (in this case, dating).
We regularly coach gentlemen who possess good looks, financial security, and are highly educated and intelligent… but for some reason are having great trouble attracting women and courting them. What we discover during our coaching sessions is that these men have flawed core beliefs about themselves- they believe that they may not be attractive enough or interesting enough, or just haven’t dated enough to acquire enough practice when it comes to dating.
Whatever feelings and energy that one is projecting, a lack of confidence can easily be detected by women, and if it is identified, can be a real turnoff.
So gentlemen, what are your core beliefs? Do you feel successful? Do you feel smart? When it comes right down to it, do you feel attractive and sexy? Do you take charge when arranging a date? Do you have a game plan? Do you follow through with date plans when you’ll say you will? Are you attentive and outgoing when interacting with women?
Once you can be honest about what you’re feeling, learn how to adjust it. Go out on a lot of dates to increase your confidence. You want to make sure that you can boost your confidence level when meeting potential dating partners because when the “right one” comes along, you want to make sure she stays interested!
What do you think is the most important quality when seeking a romantic partner?
When it comes to looking for a romantic partner, what is the most important quality that you would consider? In a recent survey, half of Americans agreed that the most import quality their future partner should possess is a “shared interest.” While the usual qualities, such as physical appearance, financial stability, a source of income, and a sense of humor were predictably among the answers, it seems the importance of a shared interest was clearly number one.
As professional and experienced matchmakers, we were not surprised by this finding. Given the amount of time that most people want to spend with one another, they should share some common ground involving interests. And while many people may think that “opposites attract” we just do not believe in that philosophy. Through the years of matching clients and witnessing relationships develop it seems the common bond that keeps relationships intact deals primarily with the couples’ shared interests.
So for those of you that are out there dating, pay attention to your dates’ interests. And just remember, while looks, humor and financial well being may help a relationship along, it’s the common bond of shared interests that will keep it going strong!
Rebound Relationships: Can They Be A Positive for You?
Commonly accepted wisdom tells us that so called “rebound” relationships are not a great idea if you are fresh out of a relationship and still have feelings for your former partner.
However, according to a recent study, held by the Department of Psychology at City University of New York (CUNY) researchers found evidence that proves rebound relationships are actually beneficial ~offering one more confidence and providing more resolution with ex-partners.
The study at CUNY examined several hundred people who recently experienced a breakup. The Dept assessed their well-being, their feelings about their ex-partner and whether or not they were seeing someone new. Analyses indicated that those that had entered into a new relationship were definitely more confident, felt more attractive and desirable, and felt that they were in a better emotional state of well being than their counterparts who had not reentered the dating scene.
This is interesting to find out, because as personal matchmakers we have to agree with the study. We have worked with many clients that have been involved with rebound relationships and while some may not have had the best experiences, it seems a lot more confessed they were grateful to have entered into rebounds after a breakup. Over the years we have documented our interviews and have recorded what our clients have said about rebounds. Many stated that these relationships provided them with higher levels of happiness and a healthier outlook on life and love.
So would you agree with this evidence? Perhaps you have experienced a rebound relationship or are still in one presently. We would love to know your thoughts.
What Singles Are Looking For: What is Acceptable and What is Non-Negotiable
When it comes to what is acceptable and what is non-negotiable in a relationship, it appears that single professionals know exactly what they want and what they can overlook. Out of over 5,000 singles who completed a recent survey, more than half said they would not cancel a date because of something they found on Google about their date, nor would they cancel if they found out that someone was still living at home with their parents. The majority of those surveyed, 58%, said they would date a virgin and 53% reported never having had a ‘friends with benefits’ type relationship.
It also was discovered that there weren’t that many differences in opinions when each sex was looked at separately. Both men and women reported that they judge their potential partners on their teeth, hair, grammar, and clothes as their top four criteria. Also, it appears that the majority of both men and women felt the least important criteria was to find someone of similar ethnic background to themselves.
Manners and trust were also shown to be important ~ whereas 84% of women said that in a relationship, a partner who treats them with respect is a must-have, and 63% of men said they strongly prefer a partner they can trust and confide in.
Would you agree with these recent findings?
Blind Dates: A Dating Ritual Not Tried by Half of Americans
For some, it was “love at first sight,” and for others, the first sight was the first date. Whether set up by friends, family, or a matchmaking/dating service like ours, it turns out that almost half of America’s dating population has been on a blind date! The 57 percent that have not had the experience of blindly meeting a stranger and hoping for a connection are nearly balanced between 56% of men and 58% of women. Perhaps not surprisingly, divorcees were significantly less likely to test the blind date waters than singles with 7:10 singles having enjoyed the pleasure to 1:2 divorcees not blindly dating.
Among those who have chosen not to brave the unknown, the highest demographic by race were Hispanics, by age 18-24, and straight Americans with income of less than $25, 000. Hispanic men and women were 30 percent more likely to have never taken part in a blind date compared to Caucasians. Older Americans aged 65 and up were the most likely to have gone on a blind date and Americans residing in the South were also the most likely to have had the pleasure.
With more Americans than not having had a blind date, research proves that most people enjoy these encounters and look forward to them with high levels of optimism. We encourage blind dates at Premier Match and offer our readers that gentle nudge that if you haven’t tried, give it a shot. While the encounter might feel awkward at first, hang in there, we have witnessed thousands of blind dates that have turned into relationships involving “happily ever after.”
Dinner Still the Most Popular First Date Destination
First dates can be a tricky and yet exciting date to plan. The first date is the first time you will spend an extended amount of time with your partner and not surprisingly, almost half of Americans prefer to have dinner as their first date. According to recent research, forty-nine percent of middle-income earners prefer to sit, eat, and converse over dinner for their first date. Out of that 49%, fifty-one percent of those people were younger Americans. The popularity of dinner as the first date choice over other options most likely speaks to the casual, familiar, and enjoyable time that sharing a meal together has.
Out of those surveyed, 49% of males prefer dinner over females, 50% of straight people over 32% of gay Americans, and 65% of African Americans preferred dinner over 47 percent of both Caucasian Americans and Hispanics. With the number of activities, places to visit, and sites to see throughout every state in America, it speaks volumes that a simple meal is the popular choice for first dates. It would seem that doing something you have to do anyway, like eat, combined with the company of a new person still makes most people feel comfortable.
What’s Worse, Loneliness or a Bad Relationship?
The effects that fear can have on our lives can be amazing. University of Toronto researcher Stephanie Spielmann found that 40% of 153 American and Canadian men and women she interviewed feared being alone. The fear of growing old alone, never finding a companion or losing their current partner was among the fears and concerns of almost every person interviewed. You can attribute this to the fact that we as human beings were designed for companionship , but many people in the research admitted to staying in bad or unhealthy relationships just to avoid being alone.
The fear of loneliness and being without a partner or companion is what drove many who were interviewed to ‘settle’. Whether they settled for a relationship with a person they weren’t physically attracted to or a person who didn’t give them the attention they wanted, they preferred having less than they desired over having no one. The fear that nothing ‘better’ would come along in terms of a companion was also a reason people gave for dealing with a bad relationship. For some people, the thought or idea of growing old or navigating life without a partner was more painful than waiting for a partner with whom they could enjoy a happy and healthy relationship with.
Can long distance relationships actually be rewarding and offer the same quality of satisfaction as relationships that benefit from closer proximity?
While most of us skeptics believe that long distance relationships are challenging, frustrating and inevitably do not last – it appears that a recent study* revealed single people involved in long-distance dating relationships felt these relationships were highly rewarding and offer the same level of satisfaction as those that dated people nearby. Researchers included and considered characteristics that are typically important to couples, including commitment, communication, and levels of intimacy, along with sexual satisfaction.
Traditionally, the general opinion about long-distance relationships is that these relationships do not have the staying power that conventional, close distance relationships enjoy. According to their research, which, unlike studies in the past, included same sex couples as well as heterosexual couples, long-distance couples don’t experience decreased satisfaction. So, it seems that while long-distance relationships may not be ideal, they are possible, fulfilling, and are just as rewarding.
So if you are contemplating beginning a long distance relationship, give it a try….see what happens. You might be surprised how satisfying and rewarding it might be!
* The study was conducted and published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy
Happy Valentine’s Day From Premier Match
These days Valentine’s Day is celebrated with red roses, balloons, stuffed animals, chocolates, and romantic dinners. The holiday is a fun and affectionate way to show your appreciation to those you love and cherish. The day has evolved into the celebration it is today, but its origins and meanings are still disputed. Some believe it began as a pagan holiday that celebrated Lupercalia or fertility and was named after two martyrs were both killed on separate Feb 14ths, which both had the last name of Valentines. Others believe Eros, the Greek mythological God; whose Roman name was Cupid and St. Valentine, the patron saint of lovers are responsible for the holiday and its meanings. And still, others recognize it as the celebration of Christian saint, Valentinus.
No matter which story or country of origin you accept, modern culture and society collectively commemorate the day as a time for celebration and expressing love. Romantic, Eros love between couples, platonic loves between friends, and the love you have for your parents and children. No matter whom you celebrate the day with, take time to express gratitude for the people who have been placed in your life, those whom you have loved and lost, and those who are still to enter your heart. Happy Valentine’s Day.
How Did Your First Date Go? – Part 2
In our last post, we discussed some tips and indications to think about when answering the question, ‘How did our first date go?’ As a follow up to that, we’d like to offer you a few things to do and consider after your first date.
If you are the female counterpart to the date, think about how the date went for you. Did you find the conversation to be easy and the mood stress-free? Think about whether your date seemed like a person you’d like to know more about, whose personality you found interesting, and whether or not you could see yourself exclusively dating him. After all, just because the first date wasn’t terrible doesn’t mean you’re obligated to go on a second date. However, it is most honorable to nicely let him know that you had a great time but that you didn’t feel as though the two of you would be a great match as a couple.
If you have received a follow-up text or phone call from him and he’s made it clear that he had a great time, reciprocate the sentiment. Don’t be fooled, men can be just as nervous and anxious to hear back from a woman as women can be. If he suggests a second date, express that you’d love to and if he doesn’t, don’t assume he doesn’t want a second date. Some men may think it is intimidating or forward, so take some stress off of him and recommend a second date. A casual question such as, “Would you like to have dinner this weekend?” opens the door for conversation and second date ideas.
Regardless of what you decide to do for your second date, release the first date pressures, stresses, and worries by staying in contact. Reply to voicemails or texts from him within a reasonable amount of time and don’t be afraid to be the one to make the initial, post-date contact. Leave the 48-hour rules and any other high school dating rules to those silly teenagers. Above all, have fun on your second date!
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