How Did Your First Date Go?

Without a doubt, the question we find both men and women asking themselves after a first date is “How did it go”? The answer to this question is extremely important on many levels.
That first date will really set the stage for what follows. We all know that first impressions are important, and this is particularly true when talking about a first date. The fact is, if the first date goes perfectly, then the rest of dating process will more than likely go great. The tone for a successful relationship has been set. On the other hand, if the first date is a dud, you can expect that the following dates will be more difficult and maybe even uncomfortable.

first date
With all of that said, how are we supposed to know how it went? Aside from simply waiting and finding out, there are a few clues that you can take away to help assess how it went.
Conversation is possibly the greatest indicator of how the date scored on the success meter. How did the conversation during the date flow? Was it comfortable and natural, or was it forced and uneasy? Certainly when people who do not know each other have initial conversations, there can be a “breaking the ice” period. However, as the date progresses, the conversation should become easy and enjoyable. If this doesn’t happen, and an uncomfortable feeling persists, its very possible that things did not go well and that one of you was not comfortable. This is one of the top factors in determining whether or not a second date will take place.
Something that goes hand in hand with conversation, of course, is laughter.

Was your date laughing throughout the conversation? If so, odds are that she was comfortable, found you charming and funny, and will probably be eager to see you again.
If you have the feeling that things did go well, then it is time to consider communication after that first date. This will begin to give you a very good idea of how your date perceived your time together. Contact can go two ways- your date may attempt to contact you, or you will wait to hear back after you have contacted her. The ideal situation, of course, will be if she contacts you (or responds to your contact) and says something to the effect of “I had a great time last night; call me and let’s plan to do it again”. If this happens, then you know the first date went well, and you are on your way to what might be a successful relationship.
The other possibility, of course, is that you contact her and hear nothing in return. At Premier Match, we’d suggest to you that if this happens three times, then it is probably didn’t go so well, and it’s time to move on.
So how did the first date go? The above tips can you gauge the answer, but at the end of the day the answer to this question has a pretty simple answer- did you get a second?

Should I Bring Up My Past Relationship?

It is usually rule number one for first dates: don’t discuss exes.

In fact, a recent poll shows that those who take the greatest exception to the “exes” rule are Americas’ wealthiest singles. Forty-six percent of Americans earning between $100,000 and $124,999 annually think talking about previous relationships on a first date is acceptable. Among gay and lesbian singles, 41% said they were likely to accept and be comfortable speaking of previous relationships, whereas only 36% of straight single people were. In general, males were slightly more accepting than females of discussing past relationships and Asian Americans lead the percentages over their African American, Caucasian, and Hispanic counterparts.

Among those surveyed, results showed that the group least likely to discuss past relationships on their first date were young Americans. Those ages 18- 44 were, on average, less likely than those ages 45 and above to find talking about their past relationships on a first date an appropriate topic of conversation. Also discovered was that 37% of men and just 35% of women found the topic date-worthy for conversation. With over one thousand people answering the question, 38% of those were Midwesterners who seemed to embrace the idea more than those in other parts of the country.

At Premier Match, we always coach our clients not to bring up an ex during a date, but we find that often if one of the two does bring up the topic, it’s akin to the the flood gates opening and the other party will inevitably feel that it is acceptable to begin discussing it. Try to refrain from this prospect and instead exercise self control. Take the liberty of changing the topic quickly by saying “well enough about our past… so tell me, have you been on any fun trips lately?”

Drinks as a First Date

Portrait of a couple in love chatting and toasting at a night club

First dates can evoke both excitement and nervousness. For many, the logistics of planning a first date conjure up numerous questions and worries. What if I don’t like him or her? Who is going to pay? Should I at least offer to pay? What if I order messy food and make a bad first impression? These concerns may be a large factor as to why 15% of Americans prefer having drinks instead of dinner as a first date. Alcohol is the revered choice for many due to its ability to help calm nerves and allow for a relaxed conversation to flow a little more loosely than a nervous, sober mind might. In addition, going for a drink is less of a time, social, and financial commitment than a full sit-down dinner. This can eliminate awkwardness should there be no connection or quality conversation, and the date can end when the drink ends.

Those who prefer the drink over dinner option, more than any other group of people, were those in the LGBT community, with 32% of homosexual men and women twice as likely to prefer drinks. Second to that were those who earn upwards of $100,000. It stands to reason that high earners and divorcees, whose professions are demanding, value their time and don’t want to waste it on a bad first date. Making up the remaining percentages were those in the African-American community and Americans over the age of 65. The popularity of having drinks on the first date was also heavily dictated by region with those residing in the west preferring the liquid option at 20%.

At Premier Match, we generally find that about 75% of our clients really enjoy drinks and light hors de oeuvres on a first date. If asked, the majority of them would give you very similar reason as listed in the study referenced above.

Communication in the Age of Texting

Beautiful woman hand holding a black cellphone

Texting has certainly become the societal norm in the 21st century, but where does texting fit into a romantic relationship? Texting may be convenient and quick, but I strongly recommend they not be the main and/or sole form of communication for couples. Nothing replaces a phone call, and the sound of a person’s voice. Since texts are simply words read, there is no way to interpret voice inflection, emotion, or even the small silences and laughs that oftentimes mean more than words. A reliance on text messages can be the cause of serious miscommunications and can eventually erode a loving relationship.

Follow these 3 rules-of-thumb when texting:

·        K.I.T. and K.I.S.S. – text messages should be used to keep in touch (K.i.T.) throughout the day, especially if you are both working or apart from each other for a number of hours. Keep it Simple Stupid Silly (K.I.S.S.), use text messages for brief questions, “Chinese ok for dinner?” and sentiments,  “Missing you”.

·        Content- Negative emotions result in angry texts that may read as you being angry with the recipient instead of the situation. Positive emotions should be shared through voice calls so your partner can hear your excitement and share in the joy. If you want to share something funny, choose your words wisely so the recipient knows it’s a joke, or add an ‘LOL’ or a smiley face emoticon. NEVER should you use text to inform of things such as a job loss, death, date cancellation, or a breakup.

·        Character Count- think twitter when texting; if you can’t share what you want in 140 characters, make a phone call instead.

Learning to Trust After a Betrayal

Like all things in life, trust is about choice; when your trust has been betrayed in a relationship, it is up to you how you want to proceed with the next person you encounter. Trusting people is not always easy and being hurt by someone you trusted makes this process even more difficult. While dating, it is necessary for you to keep the faith and place some level of trust in people if you hope to find that special someone. So, how do you learn to trust after a breakup?

Forgive the person who broke your heart, even if they haven’t asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is never about the person who hurt you; rather, it is your acknowledgement that their actions aren’t going to control your life- forgive for yourself. Acknowledge the feelings and decide to proceed in spite of them.

Acknowledge the fear you feel as it is usually the closest related emotion to trusting; fear of being betrayed, fear of being hurt, lied to, left alone, etc. It’s a lot easier and effective to acknowledge this than pretend you aren’t afraid. Fear is an emotion that can be worked through or overcome by courage; feel it but have the strength to move forward anyway.

Trust again; decide that the next person or situation is a clean slate that deserves your trust. Feel free to exercise wisdom, and don’t fell pressure to expose or expect too much too soon, Perhaps most important, always refrain from completely shutting down, becoming defensive, and not trusting anyone again. You take a risk when you enter all new relationships- business, personal, or otherwise. Why not choose to offer trust willingly and be pleasantly surprised by how much better that feels than harboring negative feelings

Getting Over Your Ex

Heartbreak isn’t easily extinguished. Sometimes it seems impossible to get over a person with whom you’ve shared significant moments, whether your relationship lasted a few months or several years. Getting over your ex is a struggle, but it is critical for your emotional and physical health to move forward in life.

At Premier Match, we work with many single individuals that have had a hard time getting over an ex. We coach our clients to realize that the best way to start a new chapter in your love life is to follow these few simple steps towards recovery:

  • First and foremost, if your ex is still looming large in your thoughts, you need to address these feelings and realize that the only way to move forward with a new situation is to relieve yourself of this past pain.
  • Don’t remember the positive moments in isolation. Stop reminiscing about the good times and acknowledge that the unhappy moments of what went on are what caused you to break up with your ex in the first place. Hanging on to the past will only hinder your progress moving forward.
  • Don’t “keep in touch” for a while. You need space and time away from communicating.  This break will allow you the opportunity to meet some new people, catch up with some old friends   – and not reveal to your ex what you have been up to.
  • If you have severed ties completely, GOOD, you are on the right path to recovery. However, with social media constantly reminding us of our exes and their lives, it’s easy to get pulled back in.  We highly recommend “unfriending” your ex and those of his/her social circle: family and friends. You don’t need to be reminded of parties, events and other gathering that show your ex in pictures and posts.
  • Don’t get stuck on the past. Find a new goal – whether it’s business-related, creative, or fitness – that will help you stay motivated and get your mind off your ex.
  • If you need to talk to someone, don’t be afraid to speak up. Reach out to those that you are close to; your immediate family members and dear friends.  If seeking out a therapist is something you would be open to, we highly recommend reaching out to one.  Sometimes talking things through to a third party – especially a highly trained specialist – can be extremely beneficial for your recovery.

Fun Fall Date Ideas

Beautiful couple enjoying in the beautiful autumn day.

Autumn is the time of year that can be filled with fun, seasonal activities that make for excellent dates. If you are dating someone new or spending your first autumn together, these fun fall date ideas can provide a lifetime of happy memories.

Our recommendation?… head outdoors!  If you can make a day trip to a wooded area, the fall foliage has begun its annual show! Short trips to small country towns near natural reserves can get you in the spirit of the season and can make for a very romantic experience. Go biking or hiking or even horse back riding through the woods; another suggestion, just meander through small country towns that are now celebrating the fall spirit. Stop into one of the small cafes and enjoy some fresh apple cider or hot totties.

Also, a lot of towns schedule Fall festivals; some sponsor Oktoberfests where you can enjoy some great seasonal foods, some fresh micro brews and take in some great music. Hot air ballooning can also be a lot of fun. The breathtaking views of the foliage from that vantage point can be very romantic and memorable.

We’ve only scratched the surface of some fun fall date ideas. So get out there and enjoy the season!

Figuring Out What You Want

In a recent blog post, we discussed how open communication between two people can build trust and allow relationships to grow. But how can you know what to communicate to your significant other if you aren’t even sure yourself? The introspection involved in figuring out what you want is a long process, but it’s necessary to understand yourself so you can become a better person, and a better partner.

The easiest way to organize your thoughts is to write down a list of what you are looking for in a partner—not so much what you want this person to do for fun or their physical characteristics, but rather the attributes or personal traits that you find attractive and would fit in well with your lifestyle. For instance, you may like adventurous men, but if you don’t like to travel, you may have to re-assess your criteria. When we match our clients with one another we pay attention to these details, and you should too. Finding a person that suits your present needs is fine but if you are considering this person for the long term you will need to know for sure what kind of person you’re dealing with so both of you can benefit.

Also, when seeking out long-term, committed relationships, it’s wise to understand your flaws and the areas you need to work on before bringing another person into your life. By addressing yourself and striving to be a better person, you can become not only a more attractive partner, but a person who will be able to hold on to their partner permanently.

Relationship Communication: The Key to Success

We have all heard that “communication is the key to success” in business, relationships, and life in general. But what kind of communication is necessary to keep a relationship healthy and happy? The following tips below regarding relationship communication will offer you a way to build a solid foundation for a new relationship.

–          Understand that communication in a relationship can be difficult because it makes a person feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. But by letting your partner know that your communication can be a safe zone, without judgment or conflict it will allow him/her to know that they can come to you with anything and that you will be supportive.

–           At the beginning of the relationship, find out not only about their hobbies, their family life, and their dreams for the future—but also dig deeper into how they handle stressful situations, what really makes them happy, and how you plan to integrate your lives. The more you can discuss in open dialogue, without fear of your flaws or mistakes being used against you, the more your relationship will blossom.

–          Keep the relationship communication honest. Letting your partner know where you stand is vital in understanding your outlook and experience. This may require courage or self-inspection, but the rewards are incalculable. When both parties understand the feelings of their partner, their worries and uncertainties are cast aside. Communication ultimately becomes the bridge between two people and ensures that a relationship can flourish.

Outdoor Summer Date Ideas

Romantic Couple Sitting On Park Bench Together

It’s summer time and it’s the perfect opportunity to heat up your dating activity. If you’re looking for summer date ideas, our list can help you choose some fun and exciting options for summer dates.

Plenty of events take place outdoors that provide excellent opportunities for memorable dates. Many cities have famous films shown outdoors, theatrical productions like Shakespeare in the park, and an entire range of concerts and musical festivals highlighting all genres of music.

If you want to make some more personal, romantic memories, you can prepare a picnic date. Choose a picturesque location and, as a twist, invite your partner for either a sunset or sunrise date. You can even select a theme for your picnic and incorporate food, clothing, and even music cues for a unique and memorable date.

If you have a boat, a sunset cruise would be quite romantic.  If you don’t own one, rent one for an evening. There are many boat rentals available that many singles aren’t even familiar with. Check them out online. This idea may prove to be an enchanting surprise, as your date won’t be expecting it.

Of course, old standbys like fireworks displays, sporting events, and physical activities like hiking or bicycling are popular for a reason. Using our outdoor summer date ideas as a platform, use your creativity to come up with your own warm weather dates. Share your summer date ideas with us!

Singles Dating – Tips to Remember

As a successful busy professional, your career is the focus of your life. But if you’ve realized that your career isn’t the only thing you should focus on, and that establishing a meaningful relationship would make it even more fulfilling, high end matchmaking services like Premier Match can help you. Of course you will need to be in the right mindset and in the right emotional state to make your dating experience rewarding.  The Singles Dating scene is complex. After working with thousands of single professionals we have noticed a common trend that past relationships have a huge impact on how people think and behave. Past dating experiences can make or break a potential relationship before it has even begun! At Premier Match, we are always encouraging singles to keep certain tips in mind as the dating experience begins:

  • Reflect on past relationships – Try to recognize what you could have done better, as both a person and a partner. Try to work on those aspects of yourself as you move forward with your dating experience.
  • Pay attention to how you perceive situations. If you doubt yourself and the situation you’re entering into, you may be closed off to what it can offer. Don’t stop a positive relationship from forming before it has even had a chance to take root.
  • You don’t have to be someone that you aren’t. But you can be more open to new ideas.
  • There’s no need to put pressure on yourself or the situation you’re entering into. It will not benefit your relationship.
  • Strive to be a better person tomorrow than you were today, and know that each day is an opportunity for you to become an even better person and potential partner

Lastly, the most important thing you can do to achieve success in the singles dating scene is to realize that the process is a numbers game. It will require time and effort to meet many different and interesting people. Just as your career needed nurturing and time to take off, your dating experience will require the same efforts.

Great Places to Go On a Date

Young smiling couple in a park

If you are planning a first date with someone special and you’re tired of the basic drinks and dinner routine, why not come up with some other interesting date ideas that you both will enjoy. Here at Premier Match, we often encourage clients to come up with different date options. There are so many wonderful places to go on dates!  Here are some ideas that have worked well for clients, all of which have offered positive feedback experiences:

Be inquisitive about your date’s sporting interests.  Does he/she like to bike, take long walks, play tennis, golf?  If you belong to a club, invite him/her there and play a round. If you live near an area where a long bike ride or walk would be enjoyable, encourage it.  Again, have options prepared and available for suggestion.

Check out “What’s Happening” around town. Museums, galleries and book stores regularly host noteworthy events that are much more exciting than a typical dinner and a movie. Afterwards, a drink or coffee to relax and reflect on the experience will seem appropriate.

Are you into music? Check out the roster of outdoor concerts that are now scheduled this summer and purchase some tickets. Are you both into live jazz? If so, there are several live venues that provide romantic ambiance and make for wonderful date experiences.

How about wine tastings? It seems these tastings have become extremely popular in the past few years. In addition to wine tastings, area restaurants have also promoted tasting events surrounding various beers, scotch and vodkas. These events often include some type of food and overall the date experience can be fun and educational.

So there you have it!  Just a small sampling of what to do and what places to go on a date. Enjoy!

Avoiding Dating Mistakes: How to Make Dating Better

happy couple have a romantic date in a fine dining restaurant, a large chandelier is in Background

Whenever we sign up a new client at Premier Match, there is a high level of excitement with the process. Before a new client even goes out on a first date we like to offer some of our seasoned advice.  We often review this list with new clients, but wanted to share a few of these important tips with all of our readers; this list offers ways to behave in order to avoid common dating mistakes:

  1. Be firm. Offer a couple of evenings that are open and chose a place that you want to go to – or encourage the other party to choose a location. It’s better to know what you want than to sound wishy-washy. Don’t agree to something that you know you’ll be uncomfortable with, like agreeing to eat at a steak house when you’re a vegetarian or accepting a place that you know will be really crowded and noisy.
  2. Be confident. Both men and women like a challenge, so if you’re really hoping that things work out with this person, let things happen naturally and don’t try to force the issue. Infatuation does not grow out of pressure.
  3. Be present. Don’t bring up exes or tell long-winded stories that take you both out of the moment. Enjoy your time together and explore each other’s personalities.
  4. Be available—but not too available. It’s a cliché to not always be available these days, but that shouldn’t be about playing games with someone. While you want to make sure that you still have time for family and friends, understand that dating does require time set aside, so try to balance your availability and organize your calendar.
  5. Be yourself. Sometimes we don’t realize how easy it is to be someone we’re not. If you want to change for the better, than strive to meet your personal goals. But be honest about who you are and where you’re going with your date, and, most importantly, with yourself.

If you keep these tips in mind, you’ll be sure to avoid some common dating mistakes. Have these tips helped you? Do you have some others you can share with us?

Dating After a Breakup

Once you decide you’re ready to start dating after a breakup, you may not know where to begin. In major cities like New York, Philadelphia, and Washington D.C., the amount of potential dates may be overwhelming. How will you find someone that makes you happy in such a busy, crowded place?

When you are ready to date again, don’t spend your time searching for love blindly. You may be concerned about finding the right person, especially after your breakup. Premier Match can make the actual process of dating after a breakup much less stressful. Let Premier Match introduce you to singles who match your compatibility requirements. This allows you to focus not on who you’re trying to find, but how to be the best person you can be.

Finding confidence after a breakup can be difficult, but both men and women respond to confidence in their partners. To re-discover your confidence, you may take comfort in viewing your past relationship not as a failure, but as a learning experience. Knowing what worked and what didn’t can help propel you forward into better relationships in the future.

So don’t think of dating after a breakup as picking up the pieces, but rather as an exciting new start. Leave the past behind and let Premier Match help you find someone who makes you truly happy.

Overcoming The Fear Of Dating

Almost all of us have a bit of anxiety when preparing for dates, but some people have severe difficulty with this. Overcoming the fear of dating is an important step in the dating process. Our tips can help you feel more at ease and make dates  less worrisome.

Major metropolitan centers like New York City can be intimidating, but Premier Match can make the process much easier by providing appropriate dates and making the arrangements for the date. In addition, our coaching and relationship counseling can assist people that are nervous about getting out there and put them at ease.  So suppose you go out on a date and you don’t find instant chemistry with the person. There is no harm in this. You’re now a little more comfortable putting yourself out there (practice helps you feel less anxious) and you’ve met someone new and interesting. Meeting different kinds of people helps you grow and learn more about yourself and others. It also helps fine tune your criteria as to what you are looking for in a partner; what traits mesh well or do not mesh well with yours.

Remember to enjoy yourself. Chances are you will have a great time and build a new relationship with someone meaningful. And if the date didn’t go well—what’s the worst that can happen? You spent an hour or two with someone exercising your social skills and getting out of the house.  Overall, to succeed in dating is just putting yourself out there, meeting new people and expanding your social skills and your social circles. You might be very surprised at what you find out about yourself and who you meet in the process.

Good First Date Conversation Starters

You’re all dressed and ready for your first date with someone new. You look good and you’re aware of proper date etiquette and procedure. But if you don’t know what to talk about, how will your date have a good time? Great dating conversation is often a subject that gives singles the most anxiety. Preparing some good first date conversation starters is a great way to make sure things get off to a good start.

Instead of bringing exact lines of conversation to remember, think of a few topics you could bring up if chatting runs to a standstill. Avoid tedious and obvious topics like commenting about the weather. Instead, choose topics you both can discuss like mutual friends, common interests, and goals for the future.  Don’t make a mental checklist as your date talks about what you like and don’t like about them. Simply enjoy the process of getting to know someone new, no matter how different they might be from you. As always in polite conversation, avoid topics like politics and religion that might prove divisive.

Keep your conversation light and fun. Don’t linger on one topic for too long, especially if you’re the one doing the talking. It’s alright to talk about yourself. After all, your date is there to find out who you are. Don’t get caught up only in what you have to say. Make sure you are always inviting your date into the conversation.

Don’t dread running out of things to say when you meet someone new. Bring along some good conversation starters and enjoy your first date!

How To Have A Great Date: 3 Things to Remember

Dating can be difficult, unsettling, or even scary. But it can also be exciting and a way for us to know ourselves better. Sometimes we can forget that.  So how do you have a great date, instead of just hanging out with someone and hoping for the best? Keep these three tips in mind and you won’t be asking how to have a great date again.

  1. Put the other person first. We often spend so much time worrying about going on a date that we forget the other person is going on it with us. Inquire about your date’s life, interests and goals for the future. This is a great way to find common ground and let your date express his or her personality. Make sure your date is having a good time and you’ll be having one yourself.
  2. Go the extra mile. Mind your manners at all times. Men: open the door for your date. Ladies: offer to pay for dinner. Show your date courtesy and respect and the same will be shown to you.
  3. Don’t forget to have a good time. After all, dating is about seeing what people are all about and whether you would want to spend more time with them.  If you’re too caught up in making sure everything goes perfectly to plan instead of letting a memorable night unfold — well, how would you feel if the tables were turned? Dating is about having fun, so leave your worries at home and enjoy yourself. After seeing your enthusiasm, your date will do the same.

Dating Advice: How’s your self-esteem?

We all struggle with self-esteem issues from time-to-time, but are your issues so extreme that they effect the choices you make in men or women? Have you ever dated someone who wasn’t right for you only because it made you feel better not to be alone? Don’t feel bad. It’s probably happened to everyone. So, what do you do about it?

It’s important to get it handled, because, if you don’t, you might marry someone who’s not right for you, end up married and, eventually become a divorcee. This is not acceptable. And it’s definitely more of an issue for women than most men. How can this interfere with having a great relationship with a man?

  • You end up with men who are not able to give you what you really want; they’ll be unavailable in some way, whether they’re not completely done with an ex, they’re married to their work, they are emotionally damaged in some way, or they live too far away; and
  • The fear of being rejected can bring out the absolute worst behaviors – which often lead to being rejected; controlling men or circumstances, being unable to be vulnerable and open with them, rejecting them first, or you end the relationship before they have the chance to reject you.

In order for the situation to improve, there are two areas that need focus:

  1. A decision needs to be made that you love and accept yourself as you are, and
  2. Any behaviors and habits that are not in alignment with that decision have to be changed.

It might sound too simple, but the fact is that you can make up your mind that you are worthy of love and acceptance, just as you are. It won’t “feel” like the truth, but it is. Whatever you tell yourself most often is what your mind adopts as true.

So, again, what do you do? You can’t try to plant a new belief that you are worthy of love and acceptance while behaving in ways that are contrary to that. You’ve got to have integrity between what you say, what you think, and what you do in order to move forward, toward feeling good about yourself.

Have you ever had this issue? What are some behaviors that you’ve consciously quit to improve your love life?

Dating nostalgia: Five things absent from dating in 2013

Remember all the things we used to do when courting someone? I watched Sixteen Candles this week and suddenly longed for the age of simple dating: calling someone hundreds of times and hanging up because you were nervous (of course before caller ID), passing notes in class, actually writing down your phone number and giving it to someone, showing up places you know that certain someone will be and “just happen” to bump into them. I miss all of that, and it got me thinking about what else has gone missing from the world of dating. Let’s reminisce, shall we?

note-300x2051. Notes. If the first guy you had a major crush on in high school went to your school, it made tracking them down a whole lot easier. You’d see him on the bus. He’s compliment your shoes or something. After, you became smitten, so you wrote him a note that said, “I think you’re swell,” or “I like you.” Then you’d figure out his class schedule so you could “nonchalantly” run into him between classes and drop him the note. When it finally happened about three weeks later, you gave him the note and ran away.

old-phone-300x2002. The digits. People used to have landlines and talk on the phone. This seems unfathomable now considering most people prefer texting to actual voice-on-voice contact. After you gave the “I think you’re swell” note, or whatever embarrassing thing you had to do to make contact, your next step was the exchanging of phone numbers. So, this meant me visiting places where the guy hung out so you could make small talk with him until he asked for your phone number, which you likely had ready and waiting on a piece of paper in your back pocket.

3. Phone calls. With the exchanging of phone numbers came actual phone calls. This almost always happened before hanging out because you had to talk on the phone to make plans. This first phone call produced so much anxiety. What would you talk about? Would there be a weird awkward silence while he strummed on his guitar or would the conversation flow? More pressing: Who would pick up? Him? His brother? Or God forbid, the answering machine?

answering-machine-300x2834. Answering machine messages. To leave or not to leave a message, that was the question. The answer largely depending on whether or not you knew if he had Caller ID. If you knew for sure he did, you had to leave a message because otherwise you’d seem like a weirdo stalker. If you didn’t know, you had to assume he did just to be safe. If he didn’t, you were in the clear to hangup and keep calling back obsessively until he picked up. If you are the type that gets nervous when an answering machine picks up, then the messages you left, no matter how many times you practiced, always came out sounding much lamer than you had intended.

5. Love letters. Love letters used to be written down and in paper form. Even better if they were folded into some crazy origami shape. Love mix tapes were acceptable, too. How long has it been since someone gave you a mix tape? I would LOVE to see that come back into style.

Anything I missed? Technology is great, but we must get back to true interaction with one another. No cell phones on dates. No texting for a second date, give that guy or gal an actual phone call. Well, one can dream anyway.

#Relationships: Kids talk grown-up dating problems

This video was so cute and right on, that we had to re-post it.

 

#Relationships and ‘GIRLS’: Remove the dysfunction from your love life

Image via flickr.com

I’m not a Girls fan. It’s not aimed at my age demographic, but I am intrigued by the subject matter. I suppose it is a thing where art imitates life: Women in their 20s getting married too young, fighting over boys, figuring out who they are. It’s like the Miley Cyrus syndrome. Are they looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?

The four main characters are completely dysfunctional. You’ve got the British girl who got married on a whim and ruined her marriage just as fast. Then, she ran away. The prissy one (from what I can tell anyway) who’s sort of living with, or was living with an older man. And by older, I mean 33 to her 21. Then there’s the pretty one who’s life is allegedly falling apart, but not really. And, finally, the writer or wannabe writer, who’s suffering from a mental breakdown and the resurgence of OCD.

The thing that upsets me, for lack of a better word, is that these women, but more appropriately these “girls,” are all very desperate in one way or another. They’re mostly desperate for men.

As I’ve written before, the 20s are for figuring out who you are. Sure, a part of that is dating different men to determine the type of man you want in your life. But latching on to the first man who comes along is not a good idea. Going back to a man who wasn’t good for just so you’re not lonely is not a good idea. But mostly, this show is not a good idea, especially because young women are watching and likely thinking this is how they should behave. Perhaps life is imitating art instead.

#Relationships: Online dating and the “Next!” generation

Photo credit: CNNMoney

When you’re single, it can often feel like you’re stuck in a hamster wheel of despair. With online dating especially this despair becomes amplified when potential dates are judging you on the surface. For instance,  this article on CNNMoney asks: How can you find a meaningful relationship when you think it’s going well with that guy or gal, but you leave for a business trip for a couple of days and they suddenly move on?  Then they “break-up” with you via text before they even know you simply because you weren’t immediately available to meet their needs.

Cruising online has become a way for people to sow their wild oats. It’s for those who aren’t serious about settling down and those who want to have a good time, one-night stands and all. For those looking seriously for a mate, online dating isn’t healthy. It often triggers feelings of worthlessness. And why wouldn’t it when potential dates are so quick to move on?

So, what can you do? Go offline. If that’s the one piece of advice I can you, that’s it. Put your phone down. Logoff for a night or two and really let yourself connect with people. Even if it’s just drinks with girlfriends or the guys, turn off your phone. Put it on DO NOT DISTURB. Once you reconnect on a real level with the people you care about, you’ll start to see the world again and maybe, just maybe, find the one you’ve been looking for your entire life.

#Relationships: Are Canadians onto something?

Image via commons.wikimedia.org

Well, Canadians have free health care, mild manners and now they might have a leg up on Americans in another way: relationships.

According to a study released this week, our neighbors to the north are living apart while in committed, non-married relationships more than ever, with 2 million people doing so. The main reasons for this trend are that they are either not ready to live with someone or they fear living with someone will cause them to lose their independence. Even a quarter million of those married were found to live at separate residences.

It seems Canadians are much better at setting relationships boundaries than we Americans. And, as a country, they do seem much happier and laid back. Think about it. They don’t have to deal with their lover’s habits like:

  • Space invasion. Sometimes you just want to be alone, but when you live with someone, you can’t always have that time alone.
  • Cleanliness. If you have a messy spouse or significant other who isn’t the cleanest person in the world, it can definitely put a strain on the relationship if you’re constantly cleaning up after them.
  • Nagging. See above. If you live separately, you miss out on the nagging factor.

Plus, intimacy is probably better because you don’t see your love 24/7. You give yourselves the chance to miss one another. Giving each other space, even when living under the same roof, will bring you closer together. I think the Canadians are definitely onto something, but, as always, it depends on the couple involved.

What do you think? Could you live apart from your significant other or is it a bad idea?

#Relationships: Five tips to keep passion alive

Long-term relationships can be tricky. When you’re with someone long enough, it’s very easy to get stuck in a routine: Go to work, pick up the kids, make dinner, put the kids to bed, etc. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted, and intimacy with your partner likely becomes the last priority on your to-do list.

When I read Pamela Madsen’s blog post yesterday about keeping intimacy alive, I had to share it. We do evolve as couples. Just because we aren’t as crazy in the bedroom as we once were, does not mean that romance is dead or that your relationship is in trouble. Love her perspective.

 

Read the full article here.

 

#Relationships: Power of Focus in Attracting Love

We couldn’t agree more with this post by Debi Brandt of Creative Love. You must focus on the love you want in your life in order to attract that love.

Have you been obsessing over how your love life isn’t working and wonder why nothing is changing? Check out this brief lesson in how to focus your mind to attract what you want, not continue to create what you don’t want.

 

Read full article and see video here.