Top 6 Dating Habits of Men

5
With years of experience in the dating field, we certainly understand the dating habits of men. We talk to A LOT of men every day about love, dating and relationships. We assist them with their personal searches and we document all the feedback involving their progress – which offers us a wealth of information about their thoughts, feelings and dating habits.

We came up with this list with the hopes that it will enlighten women on men’s dating habits. So here is our Top Six Dating Habits of Men.

1. Men are not Mind Readers; They Like Transparency

Men are sick and tired of trying to read women’s minds, so convey your feelings to them. They fully admit that they aren’t great at picking up little hints/signals that women give off. They appreciate it when you let them know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling. So SAY you are enjoying yourself if you truly are and TELL them you are interested in getting together again if you’d like to. Of course if you aren’t interested, then follow up and tell them. Don’t pull a disappearing act and just expect the guy to know what’s going on in your head; offer closure. Send him a reply that is short and to the point but offers kindness and diplomacy. While the decline might be tough to accept, in the long run he will appreciate your candidness so he can move on.

2. Men Quickly Loose Interest with Long Winded, Complicated Conversations

Women love to tell stories and a lot of time the stories include way too many details. Ladies – in order to keep your men’s attention, keep the stories short and on target. Don’t involve too many details that make the story impossible to keep up with. Engage him and ask his opinion on what is being discussed to keep the verbal banter flowing, otherwise you may begin to see his eyes glaze over and his interest gone.

3. Guys Are Visual

We hope you already know this. Men are obviously going to take note of your appearance and how you present yourself. Leave the business attire/pantsuit choices for work only and dress up for your date and wear something feminine. Might we suggest a dress or blouse/skirt ensemble for the first couple of dates? With all the feedback we receive, this is a must when it comes to attracting a man and keeping his interest.

4. Inside Every Man Lives an Inner Horn Dog

Yes, ladies, men are driven by their inner horn dog, so make a mental note. If you don’t believe us, ask any guy about this and you’ll see. Also, when it comes to sex, timing is everything. Whether it’s two drinks or ten dates, you both know when it’s time. However, if you chose to engage in “relations” too quickly, in the back of his mind he’s going to wonder how many times you’ve been this way with others and he’s not going to like it. Again, this is referencing back to our feedback data.

5. He Wants a Lady He Can be Proud of and Show off

Sure, he’ll happily see you and become romantically involved with you if that’s what you want, but ultimately a man wants to show off his woman to his friends, family and business associates ~ and be proud of her for everything that she represents.

6. Men Dread Valentine’s Day

Yes, ladies, the dreaded V-Day. Why do men hate this holiday so much? It all boils down to pressure. What are you expecting of him? What plans for the evening are anticipated? Gifts? Flowers? Jewelry? Lingerie? Ask any man what he thinks of the holiday and he’ll probably reply with a groan. So try to keep the day light hearted, arrange a fun activity, and just don’t put too much pressure on the poor guy.

Single on Valentine’s Day? It’s not the end of the world.

No date on V-Day? Have a girls' night!

If you’re single, you know what day is coming up. Walk into any store and you’ll see red hearts and candy and, quite possibly, the two most dreadful words of all: Valentine’s Day.

 

Whether you believe in the whole V-Day institution or not, if you’re single you still can feel pangs of longing and loneliness so much so that you’d like to hide. But being dateless on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be the worst thing that could ever happen to you. So, what is a person to do when they’re feeling the blues of being single?

 

First of all, don’t be defeated by it. As the logical half of you knows, love is not about one day. It’s not about flowers or candy. Instead of thinking of this day as a day for couples, think of it as a day for you. After all, love isn’t just for couples.

 

But being dateless on Valentine’s Day can evoke feelings of self-doubt, especially for those who are believers in true love. This holiday is portrayed in the media, particularly, in relentless flower, fragrance, and jewelry advertising, as the singular day of year set aside for love, romance, and passion.

 

To ward off those feelings of self-doubt and loneliness, use the following tips:

 

1. Do not define yourself by your relationship status. A relationship is not your identity. Being single doesn’t make you any less of a person. Remember: Love comes along when you least expect it.

 

2. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It’s not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you’re saving.

 

3. Stay away from cooing couples. Do not go out to eat on Valentine’s Day. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else, anything else. Get together with friends, family members, and others you already have relationships with.

 

4. If you’re single and you don’t want to be: Think about what’s in the way of creating the relationship you want. Do you still struggle with issues from past relationships? Talking to someone can always help. Whether it’s a therapist or a close friend, use this time to focus on yourself.

 

5. If you’re single and you like it: Now is the time to affirm your choice. Don’t let a couple-driven culture define your choice. People who never marry or find a partner still have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives worth living.

How Did Your First Date Go? – Part 2

In our last post, we discussed some tips and indications to think about when answering the question, ‘How did our first date go?’ As a follow up to that, we’d like to offer you a few things to do and consider after your first date.

If you are the female counterpart to the date, think about how the date went for you. Did you find the conversation to be easy and the mood stress-free? Think about whether your date seemed like a person you’d like to know more about, whose personality you found interesting, and whether or not you could see yourself exclusively dating him. After all, just because the first date wasn’t terrible doesn’t mean you’re obligated to go on a second date. However, it is most honorable to nicely let him know that you had a great time but that you didn’t feel as though the two of you would be a great match as a couple.

If you have received a follow-up text or phone call from him and he’s made it clear that he had a great time, reciprocate the sentiment. Don’t be fooled, men can be just as nervous and anxious to hear back from a woman as women can be. If he suggests a second date, express that you’d love to and if he doesn’t, don’t assume he doesn’t want a second date. Some men may think it is intimidating or forward, so take some stress off of him and recommend a second date. A casual question such as, “Would you like to have dinner this weekend?” opens the door for conversation and second date ideas.

Regardless of what you decide to do for your second date, release the first date pressures, stresses, and worries by staying in contact. Reply to voicemails or texts from him within a reasonable amount of time and don’t be afraid to be the one to make the initial, post-date contact. Leave the 48-hour rules and any other high school dating rules to those silly teenagers. Above all, have fun on your second date!

Should I Bring Up My Past Relationship?

It is usually rule number one for first dates: don’t discuss exes.

In fact, a recent poll shows that those who take the greatest exception to the “exes” rule are Americas’ wealthiest singles. Forty-six percent of Americans earning between $100,000 and $124,999 annually think talking about previous relationships on a first date is acceptable. Among gay and lesbian singles, 41% said they were likely to accept and be comfortable speaking of previous relationships, whereas only 36% of straight single people were. In general, males were slightly more accepting than females of discussing past relationships and Asian Americans lead the percentages over their African American, Caucasian, and Hispanic counterparts.

Among those surveyed, results showed that the group least likely to discuss past relationships on their first date were young Americans. Those ages 18- 44 were, on average, less likely than those ages 45 and above to find talking about their past relationships on a first date an appropriate topic of conversation. Also discovered was that 37% of men and just 35% of women found the topic date-worthy for conversation. With over one thousand people answering the question, 38% of those were Midwesterners who seemed to embrace the idea more than those in other parts of the country.

At Premier Match, we always coach our clients not to bring up an ex during a date, but we find that often if one of the two does bring up the topic, it’s akin to the the flood gates opening and the other party will inevitably feel that it is acceptable to begin discussing it. Try to refrain from this prospect and instead exercise self control. Take the liberty of changing the topic quickly by saying “well enough about our past… so tell me, have you been on any fun trips lately?”

Dating nostalgia: Five things absent from dating in 2013

Remember all the things we used to do when courting someone? I watched Sixteen Candles this week and suddenly longed for the age of simple dating: calling someone hundreds of times and hanging up because you were nervous (of course before caller ID), passing notes in class, actually writing down your phone number and giving it to someone, showing up places you know that certain someone will be and “just happen” to bump into them. I miss all of that, and it got me thinking about what else has gone missing from the world of dating. Let’s reminisce, shall we?

note-300x2051. Notes. If the first guy you had a major crush on in high school went to your school, it made tracking them down a whole lot easier. You’d see him on the bus. He’s compliment your shoes or something. After, you became smitten, so you wrote him a note that said, “I think you’re swell,” or “I like you.” Then you’d figure out his class schedule so you could “nonchalantly” run into him between classes and drop him the note. When it finally happened about three weeks later, you gave him the note and ran away.

old-phone-300x2002. The digits. People used to have landlines and talk on the phone. This seems unfathomable now considering most people prefer texting to actual voice-on-voice contact. After you gave the “I think you’re swell” note, or whatever embarrassing thing you had to do to make contact, your next step was the exchanging of phone numbers. So, this meant me visiting places where the guy hung out so you could make small talk with him until he asked for your phone number, which you likely had ready and waiting on a piece of paper in your back pocket.

3. Phone calls. With the exchanging of phone numbers came actual phone calls. This almost always happened before hanging out because you had to talk on the phone to make plans. This first phone call produced so much anxiety. What would you talk about? Would there be a weird awkward silence while he strummed on his guitar or would the conversation flow? More pressing: Who would pick up? Him? His brother? Or God forbid, the answering machine?

answering-machine-300x2834. Answering machine messages. To leave or not to leave a message, that was the question. The answer largely depending on whether or not you knew if he had Caller ID. If you knew for sure he did, you had to leave a message because otherwise you’d seem like a weirdo stalker. If you didn’t know, you had to assume he did just to be safe. If he didn’t, you were in the clear to hangup and keep calling back obsessively until he picked up. If you are the type that gets nervous when an answering machine picks up, then the messages you left, no matter how many times you practiced, always came out sounding much lamer than you had intended.

5. Love letters. Love letters used to be written down and in paper form. Even better if they were folded into some crazy origami shape. Love mix tapes were acceptable, too. How long has it been since someone gave you a mix tape? I would LOVE to see that come back into style.

Anything I missed? Technology is great, but we must get back to true interaction with one another. No cell phones on dates. No texting for a second date, give that guy or gal an actual phone call. Well, one can dream anyway.

#Relationships: Are Canadians onto something?

Image via commons.wikimedia.org

Well, Canadians have free health care, mild manners and now they might have a leg up on Americans in another way: relationships.

According to a study released this week, our neighbors to the north are living apart while in committed, non-married relationships more than ever, with 2 million people doing so. The main reasons for this trend are that they are either not ready to live with someone or they fear living with someone will cause them to lose their independence. Even a quarter million of those married were found to live at separate residences.

It seems Canadians are much better at setting relationships boundaries than we Americans. And, as a country, they do seem much happier and laid back. Think about it. They don’t have to deal with their lover’s habits like:

  • Space invasion. Sometimes you just want to be alone, but when you live with someone, you can’t always have that time alone.
  • Cleanliness. If you have a messy spouse or significant other who isn’t the cleanest person in the world, it can definitely put a strain on the relationship if you’re constantly cleaning up after them.
  • Nagging. See above. If you live separately, you miss out on the nagging factor.

Plus, intimacy is probably better because you don’t see your love 24/7. You give yourselves the chance to miss one another. Giving each other space, even when living under the same roof, will bring you closer together. I think the Canadians are definitely onto something, but, as always, it depends on the couple involved.

What do you think? Could you live apart from your significant other or is it a bad idea?

Winter Doldrums? Plan a Romantic Getaway!

Winter got you down? OK, the weather hasn’t been that bad, but winter is still a good excuse to get out and go somewhere warm — whether that’s to an island or to a cabin with a cozy fireplace.

Think a romantic getaway is out of your league? Whether you’re a beginner at couples travel or a Casanova stuck with a tight budget, with the right tips and tools, you won’t be as clueless as you might think.

Here are some tips to create the perfect getaway:

  • Think about how much time you can take for your romantic getaway. It can be three days to a week, but even one night can be enough if you’re staying close to home. DO NOT attempt to squeeze a far-away destination trip into two days. You’ll be exhausted the whole time and not at all in the mood for romance.
  • Your first decision is whether you want to plan a trip in your home city, in a nearby region, or in another country. As noted above, the amount of time you have may determine the distance you travel. You’ll also want to factor in things like time changes, travel time, and the stress factor of foreign travel into your decision. Whether you choose to go near or far, your trip can still be equally romantic.
  • Keep your budget in mind. If you’re proposing, for example, price might not be an object because you want the trip to be extra special. But if you’re on a shoestring budget staying closer to home can be just as romantic. It’s not so much about the destination as whom you’re with on the journey.

What do you think? Any advice on romantic winter getaways? We’d love to read your responses in our comment section below!

Successful Women Trusting Romantic Futures to Matchmaker

Well-heeled, self-possessed women on a successful career track age 35-55 never leave their lives to chance, so when looking for a relationship with a man in their league they are turning in droves, to matchmakers like Premier Match. This matchmaking specialist is geared to the very specific needs of these top-tier women seeking either a first marriage after years devoted to career, or to re-marry.

In addition to the increase in successful women seeking long-term relationships, Premier Match has seen a 30% rise in female clients in the 45-64 age category over the past five years, as kids go off to college and divorce rates increase with the age of the marriage.

Yet in cities like New York, Philadelphia and Washington, D.C., where Premier Match has its offices, successful women in the aforementioned category abound and they value discretion. Fear of having profiles hacked and dished to the gossip world has held many successful women back from getting the coaching and matches they deserve (or better defined, “desire”).

Premier Match Founder Christine Nightingale says, “We do get a lot more inquiries from women than men” in New York.

The Daily Beast
The Daily Beast (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

According to the trend spotters at The Daily Beast, which featured Premier Match recently: Increasingly, high-powered women are turning to matchmakers—some of whom charge up to $200,000 a year—to help them find love. And we’re not talking someone like Bravo’s cantankerous Millionaire Matchmaker star Patti Stanger, who holds cattle calls with random people to set her wealthy clients up with. The new breed of high-end matchmakers is highly selective, running background checks not just on clients but potential dates, and they say they accept, at the most, 25 percent of potential clients, the majority of whom are women.

Research by Premier Match has found key reasons couples in the 45-65 age group are experiencing divorce.

The three key reasons for their divorce

  •      Empty nest
  •      Drifting apart romantically; passion is completely lost
  •      Changing values, interests in life; different views about goals

Three reasons for seeking a professional match making assist

  •      Social circles are a lot more limiting than they are with younger singles.
  •      Singles scenes don’t guarantee quality selection.
  •      Many divorcing after 20+ years feel displaced in a dating scene, uncomfortable with the whole  “dating/courting” situation, but ready to get out there to meet new prospects.

Premier Match was founded in 2000 by Christie Nightingale in New York City. Since then, Nightingale has interviewed thousands of single people throughout the east coast and around the country and has grown the company to include fully staffed offices in New York, Philadelphia and Washington DC. Her database to now includes well over 10,000 members.

Why women cheat

 

As we watch the fallout from Kristen Stewart’s affair with director Rupert Sanders, it’s gotten me thinking about why women choose to cheat.

At just 22, Stewart has presumably been with actor beau, Robert Pattinson, for about four years. This is a long time for a relationship, especially for someone so young. In a previous post, I wrote that if you get married before about age 30, you might as well call it a “starter marriage.”  The same can be said about serious, monogamous relationships.

When we turn 18, we’re called “adults.”  Just because one is called an adult does not mean they behave as such.  Your late-teens and early-20s should be the time when you figure things out. You learn more about who you are and who you want to be than any other time in your life. Figuring these things out also shapes what you want out of a long-time partner or spouse. Your ideal at 18 will not be your ideal at 30.  I can guarantee you that.

So, why did Stewart cheat?  Various articles have revealed that she thought her life was too easy.  Others have suggested that this might all be a ploy to get more publicity for the final “Twilight” movie.  Whatever her reasoning, if she was bored she’s not anymore.  It’s quite obvious that she wanted to be caught.

I’ve interviewed many women who are now single who had affairs in their previous marriages. I asked why they chose to even begin the affairs. The following are the most common reasons:

  1. Revenge – They caught their husband in an affair at some point during their marriage and after a period of time, became more and more angry about it. If they received attention elsewhere, they embraced it.  They felt justified having an affair, like “an eye for eye.” Once they began the affair, they enjoyed receiving extra attention and admiration from others. Eventually, many of these women initiated a separation from their husbands and began divorce proceedings. They knew their marriage was broken.
  2. Low self-esteem – Many women who cheat are married for a long time. They became housewives and mothers. They admit their marriage is dead. They don’t feel loved and/or appreciated.  They stay married for the kids.  In life and marriage we all need an adequate amount of affection and admiration from our partners.  If this attention falters, the person feeling low self-esteem can become more and more insecure and start looking for the attention in other people.
  3. Boredom – An unsatisfying, dull, and predictable relationship that isn’t growing in depth can make the excitement of a new relationship very attractive.  The affair is not only exciting due to the new person involved, but also to the whole experience of sneaking around and hiding it.  This can be a huge adrenaline rush and, for some, mildly addictive. Women who have multiple affairs may be experiencing this kind of stimulus.

The most important thing in any relationship is communication. When your relationship starts to lose its luster, talk to your partner about it. Seek attention from them, not from outsiders. If you try to make it work and it doesn’t, at least you tried. Then you can both go your separate ways without the added pain an affair will cause.

 

Keep your marriage fresh – WPIX Morning Show

For many of us that are married or have been in long-term relationships, we know the everyday existence of being with your partner can become stale and uneventful, especially if you have been together for several years.

Well, in order to reignite the romance and put some sparks back into your relationship, I’m offering up some tips on how to keep a relationship and marriage fresh:

1) Communicate – As with any relationship and marriage, you have to keep the communication flowing. There are going to be issues with your partner that come up that are going to annoy you.

2) Compromise – When in a relationship or marriage, it can be irritating when your significant other always takes control of the decision-making – what you’ll do, where you’ll go, etc. The give and take of compromise will help strengthen your relationship.

3) Be Considerate – Always show consideration to your partner. Don’t throw your day’s frustrations on to them. Never talk down to them or humiliate them in public. Try to reflect on your behavior, have you been selfish over the past week?

4) Compliment – Often times in long-term relationships we become stingy with offering positive compliments to one another. However, we never seem to lack in throwing out negative comments when we feel like it.  Believe it or not, a sweet compliment might make their day!

5) Be Creative – It seems like whenever we are in a new relationship we tend to come up with all kinds of creative things to do with one another, but when we get into a long-term relationship or marriage, we tend to become creatures of habit – dining at the same restaurants, doing the same things every weekend. Try to change it up and be creative with your time together.