September Romances in Full Swing!

Summer might be over but September is a great time to find romance. While the summer months offer beautiful weather for singles to enjoy outdoor activities and social events, the month of September in many ways can even be even better. It’s a great time to enjoy cooler temps, socialize and attend events and meet other singles that are seeking romance. Here are few fun ideas to consider enjoying this month:

WATCH A MOVIE OUTSIDE – Yes, many cities and towns are still showing movies outside during September. If you haven’t yet done this, try going this month! Check the town’s listings and go watch a movie outdoors. Everyone brings their blankets and picnics with friends. You’re single, so you’re game, right? You’ll find it’s easier than ever to meet singles on a Wednesday evening.

GO TO A BALL GAME – Even if you’re not a super sports fan, baseball games epitomize fun, and they are also a great way to meet people. Grab a few friends and don’t be afraid to talk to that cute person sitting behind you – it’s a guaranteed good time.

PLAY MINI GOLF – Golf gets a bad rap and many of us just don’t have the time to invest hours to play 18 holes. It’s slow, and even its pro athletes aren’t exactly in peak physical condition. But mini golf? Everyone loves mini golf!! Its one sport everyone can play, and guess what – it makes for fun interacting with others that are also playing “the course.” There’s probably a mini course near you, all you have to do is find one. It’s especially hilarious to play this game after a few beers or glasses of wine.

FARMERS MARKET FUN – These days, farmer’s markets are year-round, but farmers’ markets during the summer and fall are simply the best. From tomatoes and corn to melons and peaches, the food is fresh and juicy. And while you might have frequented one of these markets several times this summer, why not go this next time and just “browse.” You might just notice a lot of attractive people there!

FALL BEACH TIME BLISS – While the beach was great during July and August, September can be even a better! Try it out. You’ll pleasantly notice the crowds and screaming kids are gone, the weather isn’t sweltering, and the ocean is still warm and inviting. Also, because the beach is a bit more laid back now, people tend to socialize more with those stationed around them. Believe it or not, it is a prime pickup zone. Give it a try. Even if you feel you’re “beached out” after enjoying the past few months in the sand, this after-the- summer vibe you’ll experience in September is just delightfully different. Also, keep in mind, it won’t be long before the frigid temps of December arrive, so get out there and enjoy these remaining weekends we have!!

Are You’re Ready to Start Dating After a Breakup?

Here at Premier, we have worked with many singles that have ended serious relationships and are now attempting to begin dating again. Some clients have suffered through very difficult breakups while others seemed to have had an easier experience with it; sensing relief and excitement in “jumping back into the pool.”

According to one scientific study, the average person needs approximately 3 months to recover following a serious breakup. Of course, if you’ve recently been through a breakup of your own, you might be questioning this finding – the pain inflicted from an especially traumatic split can feel like it’ll last a lifetime. No two people handle a breakup in the same way, and no two breakups are exactly alike in their circumstances. So it is important to look within and recognize some of the common signs that will confirm that you are truly ready to get out there and meet new people. Overall, there is no rush, take your time, value your recovery, and then get back into the game when you’ve had enough time to heal.

Below are some tips that we offer our clients during coaching sessions, read through these tips and ask yourself where you stand with your emotions:

Determine if you are truly over it.
Be honest with yourself: Are you still an emotional wreck when you merely think about your breakup? Do you constantly find yourself wondering what you did wrong, or how you could have salvaged the doomed relationship? If so, then you’re not over it just yet. But if you can talk to friends and family about your breakup without feeling upset, regretful, or bursting into tears, then you may be ready to move on.

Take in what you’ve learned and realize this experience helped you grow more aware.
Breakups are rarely easy, but one of the plus sides of a failed relationship is that it can teach you more about what you want (and don’t want) in your next romance. Maybe your jobless “ex” has led you to realize just how important it is to find somebody who’s as motivated and driven as you are; or maybe your uptight past-partner has helped you understand how important a sense of humor is in a healthy relationship. If your last relationship has now made you feel more confident about what you want in your next partner, it means you’ve emotionally matured.

Now that you’ve moved on, can you now prioritize dating?
Let’s face it: dating is a commitment in more ways than one. It takes a lot of time and effort to get out and meet new people, let alone get to truly know them. This is why it’s important to analyze where you’re at in your life and determine whether you realistically have time to start dating. If you’re swamped with work, trying to finish school, or have other obligations taking priority, it might be better to wait until you have more time to dedicate to dating. However, if you find yourself staying in simply to watch Netflix every Friday and Saturday night, this might be a good indication that you need to invest time on more important things, like dating!

Remember to focus on yourself for a while and enjoy some Independence.
Many people that are newly single feel this need to fill the void as quickly as possible. Being alone feels foreign, uncomfortable and scary. Try to recognize this. Don’t latch on to the next person that comes along simply because you can’t stand being alone. Most people who have reclaimed their freedom after a breakup have felt it was the best thing they could have done for themselves. Think about it, you can now do whatever you want! This new found liberty can give you a great chance to focus on betterment and self-love. In the meantime, if you feel you have taken the time to improve yourself, appreciate what it means to live independently, and still feel like your life would be best shared with an amazing person, then hey – maybe you should get back into the dating ring.

Ultimately, only you can determine whether or not you’re ready to start dating again. If you choose to, ease into it and keep things as casual as possible at first. Just remember, the here and now is temporary and you have a lot to look forward to as you begin this new journey!

 

Attributes of a Loving Relationship

At Premier Match, one of the benefits of working with us is that we offer dating coaching and relationship counseling while arranging introductions. When we coach clients entering into relationships we keep a “Tips list” on what attributes are necessary to keep that loving relationship thriving.

Since this list is usually posted on our office cork board for our staff to share with clients during coaching sessions, we thought it would be helpful to share them with you and post them on our latest blog. Here is our tried and true list of Attributes of a Loving Relationship ~ Enjoy!

  • Act from the position of unconditional love.
  • Authentically share your feelings.
  • Communicate sincerely.
  • Be kind and considerate.
  • Honor the other person’s values.
  • Exercise a level of compromise.
  • Give the other person space to grow.
  • Be someone who encourages, like a cheerleader.
  • Be of peace and harmony.
  • Be respectful.
  • Be trustworthy.
  • Have a sense of humor.
  • Be tolerant when the other person falters in your eyes.
  • Forgive yourself and the other person when necessary.
  • State your truth tactfully.
  • Walk a mile in the other person’s shoes.
  • Be compassionate.
  • Be a good listener.
  • Teach by example.
  • Honor the other person’s spiritual values.
  • Be open-minded.
  • Know that another person can change only if they want to.
  • Base the relationship on the present, letting the past be a learning experience only.
  • Understand that a relationship is a journey of discovery.
  • Feel blessed that someone wants to do the dance with you.

8 Keys to Love in the New Year

You found love, so now here are some tips to keep it going strong throughout this next year!

If you’ve found the love of your life this past year – fabulous!  I bet the holiday season was amazing for you! Below is a list to keep your love alive and keep it flourishing. Enjoy! Spread the love!

1). Cultivate the passion you’ve developed with your beloved through ongoing adventure, laughter, strong communication, and guidance.

2). Keep remembering why you’re grateful for your love.

3). Share, share, share with your love—as we know love can turn cold and wither away if ignored for too long. Be aware of this.

4). Treat your darling as your best friend and keep “respect” alive.

5). You found an incredible person to love – enjoy the magical adventure that only true love from the heart can produce…then let the rest of us bask in your glow because deep down we know that’s what life is all about.

6). When you find yourself dissing or complaining about your love, pause and consider if you feel that way about yourself and try to imagine neutralizing it in your mind and transforming it into love and then share the love feelings (either in your mind or verbally if you voiced an insult to a loved one).

7). If any feelings of unhappiness or uneasiness about a beloved continue to surface, ask yourself what it is teaching you and see if there’s something to learn from this experience.

8). If in an argument with a loved one and you’re arguing a point while feeling moved to hug them, kiss them or say something outside of the argument that is loving (I’m sure you’ve felt this feeling) go ahead and follow your instinct and give them the love your feeling. It will go a long way, and may even defuse the argument altogether.

That’s our list! – So may your New Year be filled with love—love you give out and the beautiful love you will receive in return!

Date Someone that Makes you Feel Great and Makes you a Better Person!

When dating, try to seek out someone that makes you feel really great, but will also make you a better person. The individual you choose should enhance your life and make you feel really good about yourself. They should fascinate you, amaze you, and of course make you feel very, very happy! Here are some other characteristics to identify that perfect “catch.”

1). Date someone who is captivating and who oozes confidence; someone whom you find irresistibly sexy and have incredible chemistry with.

2). Date someone who is curious about life; someone who pushes their limits and yours! Pick a person who is intellectually stimulating – someone who has a variety of interests and is always yearning to grow. Let them encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone and experience new places and new things.

3). Date someone who believes in living life to the fullest, but can also be happy taking advantage of all of life’s simple pleasures as well. They can morph and adapt to any situation and make it a positive experience.

4). Since we know laughter can be one of the best remedies to cure a bad mood, it can also serve as one of the best aphrodisiacs!  Choose a partner who can make you laugh, someone who can look at the comedic side of life and is always finding the “positive” in every situation.

5). Date someone who is passionate in a romantic way but also is passionate about their ambitions, their careers, family, charities, etc. Their zest for life should be intense and they should be exciting to be around.

6). Date someone who is drama free. Your relationship shouldn’t be an emotional rollercoaster. They should be reliable and dependable, and not play games.

7). Be with a partner who isn’t afraid to be unusual. Maybe he/she has a bit of an “edge” or is more of a creative type. If they’re not the usual type you are attracted to, explore this. For his/her uniqueness is what makes them special and they could be a really great person for you to be with.

8). Be with someone who you feel can be your best friend. You should be able to talk honestly with them about anything. They should listen to you with kindness and concern and be able to offer candid advice when needed. The relationship should just “flow” and be easy. You want to be yourself and let your guard down.

Overall, fall in love with someone who exhilarates you and makes you be the best version of yourself. Don’t settle for second best!  You deserve to be with someone who is exceptional, because YOU are exceptional!  

Body Language: Can you read the signals?

Often times, our body language speaks louder than our words when dating. That is why you should pay close attention to the signals you’re picking up from your date as well as the actions you are consciously and unconsciously giving out.

Did you know that the most effective flirting techniques are happening through body language? It’s been proven that about 55 % of flirting is done through body language, while only 38% is through the inflection of voice, and 7 percent through words. Isn’t that interesting?

Nonverbal signals are part of communication, and they are accompanied by spoken words or not; it’s just simple human interaction that we have with others when we’re communicating.

So the next time you’re out on a date, try to pay attention to how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking ~ and try to notice what the other person’s body language reveals about their thoughts and intentions towards you.

Here are some good body language techniques that we would encourage while on a date:

Good Body Language on Dates

Be comfortable and natural in your posture and position
Make sure your attention is focused on your date – and not everywhere else
Mirror the other person (Demonstrate that you are getting along and feeling a connection)
Listen attentively to what they say (sometimes their over sharing & lack of filters actually will tell you more about what you need to know about them)
Be respectful with any touching

And here are some of the positive as well as the negative body language indicators between women and men that you can identify with while dating:

Positive Body Language Indicators

Women

It’s all in the eyes, the way she looks at you speaks volumes (look for desire, longing, enticement, interest).
Her hands are doing something to bring attention to her such as playing with her hair, massaging her neck.
She’ll be tilting her head to show she’s listening attentively.
She’ll be seated comfortably with good posture – with head, torso and feet all facing you.
She’ll continuously cross and uncross her legs – see if her feet point inward towards you.
She’ll be smiling & laughing with you and emulating positive energy.
Do you notice flared nostrils? In the right context this may be a signal that she is ready and willing to get physical with you and sign she may want to be kissed.

Men
He shows great posture, and his position is open without arms crossed.
He’ll show good eye contact and isn’t distracted by people or other sources around you.
He will open his eyes wider, and raise his eyebrows with animation.
He will inch closer and closer to you, proximity increases intimacy and shows he’s really into you.
He will gently touch your hands, arm, or back.
He’ll be smiling & laughing with you.

Do Soul Mates Exist?

When the term “soul mate” is mentioned, most people have one of two reactions; they either roll their eyes in contempt about the whole idea, or they smile and fill up with warm and fuzzy feelings. For years it seems that most people have bought into the soul mate concept ~  the notion that there is one true love out there that will sweep them away, a prince/princess that is perfect in every way, a fantasy relationship that will evolve into a fairy tale wedding which will then begin a life’s journey of happily ever after.

However, realistically if you’ve been through a series of relationships, dating, marriage, or otherwise, you probably feel that a soul mate is simply a term that  should not be tossed around so lightly.

Over the years, most adults who previously subscribed to the soul mate idea have come to understand that they are the common denominator. So, if you are the person who has gone through soul mate after soul mate, you might need to examine what it is that you expect from a relationship and wake up to a new reality!

Let’s examine this: What is the story you’ve been telling yourself? That Mr. or Ms. Right will come along and check all the right boxes of your criteria and be a perfect fit? Maybe a good idea would be to try and change your thoughts and switch your perspective to one that acknowledges that a true mate is a person who stretches you, who challenges you, who causes you to want to be and do more. A true mate is a person who will love you unconditionally; not just a lover who will stick by you during you successes, but will also be there to support you when you fail. A true soul mate is a person who sees you for who you are, and will hang in there for the long run.

Of course, your part and contribution is also to be loving and supporting; be a soul mate in return.

 

Single on Valentine’s Day? It’s not the end of the world.

No date on V-Day? Have a girls' night!

If you’re single, you know what day is coming up. Walk into any store and you’ll see red hearts and candy and, quite possibly, the two most dreadful words of all: Valentine’s Day.

 

Whether you believe in the whole V-Day institution or not, if you’re single you still can feel pangs of longing and loneliness so much so that you’d like to hide. But being dateless on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be the worst thing that could ever happen to you. So, what is a person to do when they’re feeling the blues of being single?

 

First of all, don’t be defeated by it. As the logical half of you knows, love is not about one day. It’s not about flowers or candy. Instead of thinking of this day as a day for couples, think of it as a day for you. After all, love isn’t just for couples.

 

But being dateless on Valentine’s Day can evoke feelings of self-doubt, especially for those who are believers in true love. This holiday is portrayed in the media, particularly, in relentless flower, fragrance, and jewelry advertising, as the singular day of year set aside for love, romance, and passion.

 

To ward off those feelings of self-doubt and loneliness, use the following tips:

 

1. Do not define yourself by your relationship status. A relationship is not your identity. Being single doesn’t make you any less of a person. Remember: Love comes along when you least expect it.

 

2. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It’s not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you’re saving.

 

3. Stay away from cooing couples. Do not go out to eat on Valentine’s Day. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else, anything else. Get together with friends, family members, and others you already have relationships with.

 

4. If you’re single and you don’t want to be: Think about what’s in the way of creating the relationship you want. Do you still struggle with issues from past relationships? Talking to someone can always help. Whether it’s a therapist or a close friend, use this time to focus on yourself.

 

5. If you’re single and you like it: Now is the time to affirm your choice. Don’t let a couple-driven culture define your choice. People who never marry or find a partner still have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives worth living.

What Singles Are Looking For: What is Acceptable and What is Non-Negotiable

When it comes to what is acceptable and what is non-negotiable in a relationship, it appears that single professionals know exactly what they want and what they can overlook. Out of over 5,000 singles who completed a recent survey, more than half said they would not cancel a date because of something they found on Google about their date, nor would they cancel if they found out that someone was still living at home with their parents. The majority of those surveyed, 58%, said they would date a virgin and 53% reported never having had a ‘friends with benefits’ type relationship.

It also was discovered that there weren’t that many differences in opinions when each sex was looked at separately. Both men and women reported that they judge their potential partners on their teeth, hair, grammar, and clothes as their top four criteria. Also, it appears that the majority of both men and women felt the least important criteria was to find someone of similar ethnic background to themselves.

Manners and trust were also shown to be important ~ whereas 84% of women said that in a relationship, a partner who treats them with respect is a must-have, and 63% of men said they strongly prefer a partner they can trust and confide in.

Would you agree with these recent findings?

 

What’s Worse, Loneliness or a Bad Relationship?

The effects that fear can have on our lives can be amazing. University of Toronto researcher Stephanie Spielmann found that 40% of 153 American and Canadian men and women she interviewed feared being alone. The fear of growing old alone, never finding a companion or losing their current partner was among the fears and concerns of almost every person interviewed. You can attribute this to the fact that we as human beings were designed for companionship , but many people in the research admitted to staying in bad or unhealthy relationships just to avoid being alone.

The fear of loneliness and being without a partner or companion is what drove many who were interviewed to ‘settle’. Whether they settled for a relationship with a person they weren’t physically attracted to or a person who didn’t give them the attention they wanted, they preferred having less than they desired over having no one. The fear that nothing ‘better’ would come along in terms of a companion was also a reason people gave for dealing with a bad relationship. For some people, the thought or idea of growing old or navigating life without a partner was more painful than waiting for a partner with whom they could enjoy a happy and healthy relationship with.