At Premier Match, one of the benefits of working with us is that we offer dating coaching and relationship counseling while arranging introductions. When we coach clients entering into relationships we keep a “Tips list” on what attributes are necessary to keep that loving relationship thriving.
Since this list is usually posted on our office cork board for our staff to share with clients during coaching sessions, we thought it would be helpful to share them with you and post them on our latest blog. Here is our tried and true list of Attributes of a Loving Relationship ~ Enjoy!
Act from the position of unconditional love.
Authentically share your feelings.
Be kind and considerate.
Honor the other person’s values.
Exercise a level of compromise.
Give the other person space to grow.
Be someone who encourages, like a cheerleader.
Be of peace and harmony.
Have a sense of humor.
Be tolerant when the other person falters in your eyes.
Forgive yourself and the other person when necessary.
State your truth tactfully.
Walk a mile in the other person’s shoes.
Be a good listener.
Teach by example.
Honor the other person’s spiritual values.
Know that another person can change only if they want to.
Base the relationship on the present, letting the past be a learning experience only.
Understand that a relationship is a journey of discovery.
Feel blessed that someone wants to do the dance with you.
Often times, our body language speaks louder than our words when dating. That is why you should pay close attention to the signals you’re picking up from your date as well as the actions you are consciously and unconsciously giving out.
Did you know that the most effective flirting techniques are happening through body language? It’s been proven that about 55 % of flirting is done through body language, while only 38% is through the inflection of voice, and 7 percent through words. Isn’t that interesting?
Nonverbal signals are part of communication, and they are accompanied by spoken words or not; it’s just simple human interaction that we have with others when we’re communicating.
So the next time you’re out on a date, try to pay attention to how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking ~ and try to notice what the other person’s body language reveals about their thoughts and intentions towards you.
Here are some good body language techniques that we would encourage while on a date:
Good Body Language on Dates
• Be comfortable and natural in your posture and position • Make sure your attention is focused on your date – and not everywhere else • Mirror the other person (Demonstrate that you are getting along and feeling a connection) • Listen attentively to what they say (sometimes their over sharing & lack of filters actually will tell you more about what you need to know about them) • Be respectful with any touching
And here are some of the positive as well as the negative body language indicators between women and men that you can identify with while dating:
Positive Body Language Indicators
• It’s all in the eyes, the way she looks at you speaks volumes (look for desire, longing, enticement, interest). • Her hands are doing something to bring attention to her such as playing with her hair, massaging her neck. • She’ll be tilting her head to show she’s listening attentively. • She’ll be seated comfortably with good posture – with head, torso and feet all facing you. • She’ll continuously cross and uncross her legs – see if her feet point inward towards you. • She’ll be smiling & laughing with you and emulating positive energy. • Do you notice flared nostrils? In the right context this may be a signal that she is ready and willing to get physical with you and sign she may want to be kissed.
Men • He shows great posture, and his position is open without arms crossed. • He’ll show good eye contact and isn’t distracted by people or other sources around you. • He will open his eyes wider, and raise his eyebrows with animation. • He will inch closer and closer to you, proximity increases intimacy and shows he’s really into you. • He will gently touch your hands, arm, or back. • He’ll be smiling & laughing with you.
If you’re single, you know what day is coming up. Walk into any store and you’ll see red hearts and candy and, quite possibly, the two most dreadful words of all: Valentine’s Day.
Whether you believe in the whole V-Day institution or not, if you’re single you still can feel pangs of longing and loneliness so much so that you’d like to hide. But being dateless on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be the worst thing that could ever happen to you. So, what is a person to do when they’re feeling the blues of being single?
First of all, don’t be defeated by it. As the logical half of you knows, love is not about one day. It’s not about flowers or candy. Instead of thinking of this day as a day for couples, think of it as a day for you. After all, love isn’t just for couples.
But being dateless on Valentine’s Day can evoke feelings of self-doubt, especially for those who are believers in true love. This holiday is portrayed in the media, particularly, in relentless flower, fragrance, and jewelry advertising, as the singular day of year set aside for love, romance, and passion.
To ward off those feelings of self-doubt and loneliness, use the following tips:
1. Do not define yourself by your relationship status. A relationship is not your identity. Being single doesn’t make you any less of a person. Remember: Love comes along when you least expect it.
2. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It’s not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you’re saving.
3. Stay away from cooing couples. Do not go out to eat on Valentine’s Day. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else, anything else. Get together with friends, family members, and others you already have relationships with.
4. If you’re single and you don’t want to be: Think about what’s in the way of creating the relationship you want. Do you still struggle with issues from past relationships? Talking to someone can always help. Whether it’s a therapist or a close friend, use this time to focus on yourself.
5. If you’re single and you like it: Now is the time to affirm your choice. Don’t let a couple-driven culture define your choice. People who never marry or find a partner still have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives worth living.
When it comes to what is acceptable and what is non-negotiable in a relationship, it appears that single professionals know exactly what they want and what they can overlook. Out of over 5,000 singles who completed a recent survey, more than half said they would not cancel a date because of something they found on Google about their date, nor would they cancel if they found out that someone was still living at home with their parents. The majority of those surveyed, 58%, said they would date a virgin and 53% reported never having had a ‘friends with benefits’ type relationship.
It also was discovered that there weren’t that many differences in opinions when each sex was looked at separately. Both men and women reported that they judge their potential partners on their teeth, hair, grammar, and clothes as their top four criteria. Also, it appears that the majority of both men and women felt the least important criteria was to find someone of similar ethnic background to themselves.
Manners and trust were also shown to be important ~ whereas 84% of women said that in a relationship, a partner who treats them with respect is a must-have, and 63% of men said they strongly prefer a partner they can trust and confide in.
While most of us skeptics believe that long distance relationships are challenging, frustrating and inevitably do not last – it appears that a recent study* revealed single people involved in long-distance dating relationships felt these relationships were highly rewarding and offer the same level of satisfaction as those that dated people nearby. Researchers included and considered characteristics that are typically important to couples, including commitment, communication, and levels of intimacy, along with sexual satisfaction.
Traditionally, the general opinion about long-distance relationships is that these relationships do not have the staying power that conventional, close distance relationships enjoy. According to their research, which, unlike studies in the past, included same sex couples as well as heterosexual couples, long-distance couples don’t experience decreased satisfaction. So, it seems that while long-distance relationships may not be ideal, they are possible, fulfilling, and are just as rewarding.
So if you are contemplating beginning a long distance relationship, give it a try….see what happens. You might be surprised how satisfying and rewarding it might be!
* The study was conducted and published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy
In our last post, we discussed some tips and indications to think about when answering the question, ‘How did our first date go?’ As a follow up to that, we’d like to offer you a few things to do and consider after your first date.
If you are the female counterpart to the date, think about how the date went for you. Did you find the conversation to be easy and the mood stress-free? Think about whether your date seemed like a person you’d like to know more about, whose personality you found interesting, and whether or not you could see yourself exclusively dating him. After all, just because the first date wasn’t terrible doesn’t mean you’re obligated to go on a second date. However, it is most honorable to nicely let him know that you had a great time but that you didn’t feel as though the two of you would be a great match as a couple.
If you have received a follow-up text or phone call from him and he’s made it clear that he had a great time, reciprocate the sentiment. Don’t be fooled, men can be just as nervous and anxious to hear back from a woman as women can be. If he suggests a second date, express that you’d love to and if he doesn’t, don’t assume he doesn’t want a second date. Some men may think it is intimidating or forward, so take some stress off of him and recommend a second date. A casual question such as, “Would you like to have dinner this weekend?” opens the door for conversation and second date ideas.
Regardless of what you decide to do for your second date, release the first date pressures, stresses, and worries by staying in contact. Reply to voicemails or texts from him within a reasonable amount of time and don’t be afraid to be the one to make the initial, post-date contact. Leave the 48-hour rules and any other high school dating rules to those silly teenagers. Above all, have fun on your second date!
Without a doubt, the question we find both men and women asking themselves after a first date is “How did it go”? The answer to this question is extremely important on many levels.
That first date will really set the stage for what follows. We all know that first impressions are important, and this is particularly true when talking about a first date. The fact is, if the first date goes perfectly, then the rest of dating process will more than likely go great. The tone for a successful relationship has been set. On the other hand, if the first date is a dud, you can expect that the following dates will be more difficult and maybe even uncomfortable.
With all of that said, how are we supposed to know how it went? Aside from simply waiting and finding out, there are a few clues that you can take away to help assess how it went.
Conversation is possibly the greatest indicator of how the date scored on the success meter. How did the conversation during the date flow? Was it comfortable and natural, or was it forced and uneasy? Certainly when people who do not know each other have initial conversations, there can be a “breaking the ice” period. However, as the date progresses, the conversation should become easy and enjoyable. If this doesn’t happen, and an uncomfortable feeling persists, its very possible that things did not go well and that one of you was not comfortable. This is one of the top factors in determining whether or not a second date will take place.
Something that goes hand in hand with conversation, of course, is laughter.
Was your date laughing throughout the conversation? If so, odds are that she was comfortable, found you charming and funny, and will probably be eager to see you again.
If you have the feeling that things did go well, then it is time to consider communication after that first date. This will begin to give you a very good idea of how your date perceived your time together. Contact can go two ways- your date may attempt to contact you, or you will wait to hear back after you have contacted her. The ideal situation, of course, will be if she contacts you (or responds to your contact) and says something to the effect of “I had a great time last night; call me and let’s plan to do it again”. If this happens, then you know the first date went well, and you are on your way to what might be a successful relationship.
The other possibility, of course, is that you contact her and hear nothing in return. At Premier Match, we’d suggest to you that if this happens three times, then it is probably didn’t go so well, and it’s time to move on.
So how did the first date go? The above tips can you gauge the answer, but at the end of the day the answer to this question has a pretty simple answer- did you get a second?
It is usually rule number one for first dates: don’t discuss exes.
In fact, a recent poll shows that those who take the greatest exception to the “exes” rule are Americas’ wealthiest singles. Forty-six percent of Americans earning between $100,000 and $124,999 annually think talking about previous relationships on a first date is acceptable. Among gay and lesbian singles, 41% said they were likely to accept and be comfortable speaking of previous relationships, whereas only 36% of straight single people were. In general, males were slightly more accepting than females of discussing past relationships and Asian Americans lead the percentages over their African American, Caucasian, and Hispanic counterparts.
Among those surveyed, results showed that the group least likely to discuss past relationships on their first date were young Americans. Those ages 18- 44 were, on average, less likely than those ages 45 and above to find talking about their past relationships on a first date an appropriate topic of conversation. Also discovered was that 37% of men and just 35% of women found the topic date-worthy for conversation. With over one thousand people answering the question, 38% of those were Midwesterners who seemed to embrace the idea more than those in other parts of the country.
At Premier Match, we always coach our clients not to bring up an ex during a date, but we find that often if one of the two does bring up the topic, it’s akin to the the flood gates opening and the other party will inevitably feel that it is acceptable to begin discussing it. Try to refrain from this prospect and instead exercise self control. Take the liberty of changing the topic quickly by saying “well enough about our past… so tell me, have you been on any fun trips lately?”
It’s summer time and it’s the perfect opportunity to heat up your dating activity. If you’re looking for summer date ideas, our list can help you choose some fun and exciting options for summer dates.
Plenty of events take place outdoors that provide excellent opportunities for memorable dates. Many cities have famous films shown outdoors, theatrical productions like Shakespeare in the park, and an entire range of concerts and musical festivals highlighting all genres of music.
If you want to make some more personal, romantic memories, you can prepare a picnic date. Choose a picturesque location and, as a twist, invite your partner for either a sunset or sunrise date. You can even select a theme for your picnic and incorporate food, clothing, and even music cues for a unique and memorable date.
If you have a boat, a sunset cruise would be quite romantic. If you don’t own one, rent one for an evening. There are many boat rentals available that many singles aren’t even familiar with. Check them out online. This idea may prove to be an enchanting surprise, as your date won’t be expecting it.
Of course, old standbys like fireworks displays, sporting events, and physical activities like hiking or bicycling are popular for a reason. Using our outdoor summer date ideas as a platform, use your creativity to come up with your own warm weather dates. Share your summer date ideas with us!
happy couple have a romantic date in a fine dining restaurant, a large chandelier is in Background
Whenever we sign up a new client at Premier Match, there is a high level of excitement with the process. Before a new client even goes out on a first date we like to offer some of our seasoned advice. We often review this list with new clients, but wanted to share a few of these important tips with all of our readers; this list offers ways to behave in order to avoid common dating mistakes:
Be firm. Offer a couple of evenings that are open and chose a place that you want to go to – or encourage the other party to choose a location. It’s better to know what you want than to sound wishy-washy. Don’t agree to something that you know you’ll be uncomfortable with, like agreeing to eat at a steak house when you’re a vegetarian or accepting a place that you know will be really crowded and noisy.
Be confident. Both men and women like a challenge, so if you’re really hoping that things work out with this person, let things happen naturally and don’t try to force the issue. Infatuation does not grow out of pressure.
Be present. Don’t bring up exes or tell long-winded stories that take you both out of the moment. Enjoy your time together and explore each other’s personalities.
Be available—but not too available. It’s a cliché to not always be available these days, but that shouldn’t be about playing games with someone. While you want to make sure that you still have time for family and friends, understand that dating does require time set aside, so try to balance your availability and organize your calendar.
Be yourself. Sometimes we don’t realize how easy it is to be someone we’re not. If you want to change for the better, than strive to meet your personal goals. But be honest about who you are and where you’re going with your date, and, most importantly, with yourself.
If you keep these tips in mind, you’ll be sure to avoid some common dating mistakes. Have these tips helped you? Do you have some others you can share with us?