Five Things You Should Be Looking for by the Fifth Date
Is this fledgling relationship worth pursuing?
You’ve met someone pretty special. You’ve gone out with them more than a few times now. You’ve just completed your fourth date and are looking forward to the fifth. So how are things going? Does it appear that things are taking hold? By now you should have a pretty good idea if the fledgling relationship is worth pursuing.
Naturally you’ve been searching for red flags along the way. But if you haven’t really discovered any and the relationship seems quite promising – than bravo!… there is hope that this one might take hold! Let’s review what has gone on so far, and hone in on some of the qualities and traits you should be looking for in a relationship that will stick.
1). You feel comfortable being yourself around him/her:
In the first couple of dates, you will naturally put your best self forward and try to minimize the exposure of your shortcomings. However, this requires a lot of energy, and eventually you’ll want to let your guard down so you can start to get to know each other properly. By the fifth date, you should be able to acknowledge whether or not you feel comfortable around them and if they make you feel good about yourself. There shouldn’t be any feelings of anxiety or insecurity at this point. If you do experience uncomfortable feelings, try to figure out why.
2). The conversation has progressed to the next level:
In the first couple of dates, the conversations tend to follow a safe and predictable script. “What do you do?” “Where have you traveled?” and so forth. However, by the end of the fourth date you should be well past this basic small talk and the conversations should be flowing in a more natural, unscripted fashion. If this hasn’t happened then it may become awkward and perhaps the reality is you may not have as much in common as you should with this person in order to proceed.
3). They show humility and compassion:
One of the most important things that a partner should possess is humility and compassion. You want to make sure you are with someone who is able to open up and be frank about themselves and admit to some of their own flaws and shortcomings. Do you sense some humility in this person? Pay attention to what is being said. If they are brash, or come across as arrogant and disrespectful, it might be a good idea to consider moving on.
4). Your interests are in check:
By now you should have an understanding of what your potential partner is into and what they do with their spare time. While you shouldn’t expect to share every interest in common, you should have at least a couple of shared interests that you both enjoy. These interests will be important later to sustain the relationship, so make sure that you can identify a few. They can be any interest ~ from sports and fitness to travel to cooking to the type of movies or music you like.
5). There are shared values and common goals:
You will find it much easier to date and find a partner if you know what your values are and you know what values you are looking for. Are you both on the same page here? As long as you pay attention to what is mentioned in passing and in casual conversation, you should be able to tell whether this person is at least potentially compatible in terms of values. If they are blatantly incompatible in this regard then you may need to think again. You can handle different values while the infatuation period continues, but once those rose-tinted glasses come off then this will become an issue that will be way more important as time goes on.
Thank you so much for introducing us two years ago. It’s only through your magical interaction that this wedding became a reality, otherwise how would we have ever met and fallen in love? We look forward to a great life together and have recommended your services to many friends and acquaintances. We will always be grateful.
Owner Christie Nightingale was invited to the wedding of Alan and Jocelyn Barlow, who recently got married at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, New York, NY. The happy couple toasted to Premier’s success of introducing them to one another and for being responsible for their falling in love and becoming husband and wife.
All of us at Premier offer the newly weds our
congratulations and a heartfelt toast to their future
Premier Match, Your Resource for Upscale Matchmaking
You’re selective in your personal life and Premier Match is selective with our clientele. You will find our client base to be enormous and impressive. Our singles are sophisticated, successful, educated and attractive.
All your potential matches are personally interviewed and screened for your safety
Your whole experience is custom designed around your specific criteria
Your personal matchmaker will know you personally learning your lifestyle and expectations
Your time is precious and working together we’ll only provide introductions that are perfect for your requirements
You membership is highly confidential and your search will be handled with the highest level of respect and digression
Knowing you are being helped by a matchmaking service with over two decades of experience is a plus. Even better is the fact that our team provides you with an authentic and highly developed understanding of relationships with a hearty dose of intuition as well.
You know by now that match making is more than just one person desiring another. You know it’s more about chemistry and capability combined with compassion and patience. Let’s face it. You don’t need another dating service, you want a “qualified date”.
Choosing Premier Match means you finally get you what you deserve. Real dates with real meaning matched to your specifications. You know, sexy, smart, AND successful.
You will see very quickly that we’re not your typical run of the mill New York Dating service. Together with your help our highly trained matchmaking consultants are ready to make sure your search is tailored to your specific needs and your personal desires.
Increasing the Positive Energy in Your Life
With Springtime now upon us, the weather improving and spending time outside and enjoying yourself can put you in a better state of mind – A more positive state of mind that can also enhance your chances of finding love. Here are Six tips to help you increase the positivity in your life!
1. Retrain you mind to Focus on Positive Thoughts
Are you a person who continually beats yourself up mentally? Do you constantly question your actions? If so, try to retrain your brain to stop doing that to yourself. The more you talk negatively to yourself, the more that negativity will become a part of you. Instead, practice the power of positive thinking. Any time a negative thought comes into your mind, replace it with a positive one. At some point, this will become more natural as your brain automatically turns a negative into a positive.
2. Surround Yourself with Optimistic People
It’s important to have a positive support group to help each other through difficult times. Notice we mention a “positive” support group? Surrounding yourself with positive people will help you stay positive when in a negative situation. There are plenty of negative people out there—avoid them! Their negative attitudes will only bring you down and be counterproductive to what you are trying to achieve by practicing positive thinking.
Smiling is really important. Do you know it has been proven that if you smile more it actually does lift your spirits? Try to smile when you’re walking around. You’ll be surprised how much better you will feel. Too many people have a permanent frown on their faces these days which is really sad. If you want to be happy, start looking like you are!
4. Exercise your Body and your Mind
We know that exercise is good for our bodies, but what about our minds? You bet it is! It releases those natural endorphins in our brains that make us feel better. Exercise has physical as well as mental and emotional benefits. So getting out there and working out will keep your body get in better shape, as well as boost your self-esteem for having the discipline to exercise. Adding yoga into your exercise routine may also help you learn to really focus and meditate. Exercise is an excellent way to fight the negative effects of bad situations.
5. Increase your Good Karma
Exercising kindness is contagious. So is karma. You’ll be surprised how good it feels to indulge in random acts of kindness. By doing something nice for someone else, you’ll make their day and you’ll feel better. Spread the positive vibes.
6. Express Gratitude.
Even in the worst of times, most of us realize that we still have things in our lives for which we are grateful. Voice those blessings! Practice gratitude. Talk about the things you are grateful for with your support group. Keep a gratitude journal to capture the thankfulness you feel for what you have on a daily basis. Actively acknowledging what you’re grateful for will help you to always have a grateful mind and heart, even when bad things happen.
In daily life we are sending out subtle—and not-so-subtle—messages to everyone around us. Like Wi-Fi signals floating unseen through the air, you broadcast hundreds of messages every time you interact with someone. And if you’re dating, you can bet that the gentlemen you’re going out with are reading every signal you offer, analyzing each one in an effort to decipher its exact meaning.
The good news is that you can transmit these signals any time you want in order to achieve a desired effect. That’s a lot of power to have over another person. But the bad news is that you’re also sending a steady stream of signals without even knowing it. Your facial expression, your posture, your body language, and even the way you walk and talk are communicating all kinds of things to the person you’re interacting with.
Let’s look at some of the main ways you send signals to men. This can help you examine just what it is you’re communicating—intentionally or not—to other people.
Broadcasting that your life is “crazy busy.” You know in your heart you want a relationship, but is it common for you to broadcast to everyone around you that your life is crazy busy and your business and personal commitments are all consuming? If so, do you honestly think that anyone that is listening to this will become more interested in dating you? The signal you are putting out there is that you don’t have the time or the capability of investing in anything right now. Try to keep your discussions more light and less stressed and try to talk about how you are available (if you truly could be and truly want a relationship in your life).
Choosing the Location for the Date. While most people decide together where they would like to go out on their date, if you make demands and choose a date location that seems to be inconvenient or communicates a complete lack of interest in pleasing the other person, please try to identify this and collaborate on a date plan that seems more mutually agreeable. Don’t choose a date location that is literally across the street from your house/apt but is an hour away by car for the other party. And if he isn’t into loud music or into drinking don’t suggest a bar hall that plays loud dance music. Pay attention to the fact that your date may wonder how much you care about them and how much investment you have in developing a dating relationship.
Presenting yourself by the way you Dress.This is one of the most obvious ways to send a message to a person you’re going out with. If you dress to look sexy, you are communicating one thing. If you dress in a way that’s totally casual, you are saying something else. The same goes for whether you look sloppy, well-groomed, successful, or high maintenance. The clothes you wear and the way you wear them are great ways to tell a date a little about yourself, about how you are feeling about the date, and about what you have in mind for the evening.
Just make sure that you’re not broadcasting messages that you don’t mean to. When you get dressed for the date, ask yourself, “Is the way I’m dressed sending the signals I mean to be sending?” If so, then go for it. But if not, you might decide to dress up or dress down a bit, depending on how you want to come across.
Invitations you Offer or Accept that send the wrong Signals. Certain dating activities don’t really hold any specific significance at all. Dinner at a local cafe followed by a movie isn’t necessarily going to deliver any precise message regarding your expectations for the evening or the relationship. But other invitations have the potential to communicate plenty. Inviting someone inside for a drink at the end of the date signals that you’re at least open to the idea of the relationship becoming more physically intimate.
And also if someone you’ve recently started dating asks you to go away for the weekend you better realize that this may imply more intimacy, and maybe even take the relationship to a new level of seriousness. If you feel ready for this..Great! Go for it! Of course, if you don’t feel comfortable with the invitation, you should never feel obligated to go through with it because the other party is going to misread your signal.
Playing Hard to Get. Men hate this game and bear in mind, with all the options that are available these days in meeting new people, playing hard to get is not a game that will side in your favor. Don’t believe that you are going to make someone more interested in you if you play this game. He will only become more frustrated with you. And if you aren’t into someone, at least follow up and communicate your feelings. Parting as “friends” will offer closure and will allow the gentleman to know how you’re feeling so he can move on and not waste any more time.
At Premier Match we facilitate hundreds of introductions over the course of a month. After each date happens we receive feedback from both parties to get a better perspective on how things went and if second dates might be arranged. While the feedback assists us in fine tuning a client’s search, it also provides a wealth of information on how men and women interact; what is being said, understood and at times misinterpreted. Women are very acute to paying attention to details ~ what is verbally promised and what actions imply second and/or third dates.
Gentlemen this blog post is for you – Are you sending out the right signals when dating or not? Here are a few examples of what we mean:
Women pay attention to what a mansaysmore than he what hedoeseven though it’s known thatactions speak louder than words. If you say you are going to do something like take her to a concert later this month and then you never mention it again, she is going to fixate more on the fact that yousaid you were going to do something rather than you just didn’t do it and didn’t explain why.
With regard to calling after a date, it is better to say, “I will talk to you soon” rather than “I will talk to you tomorrow.“ Women take these types of statements literally and they notice when the call doesn’t come in“tomorrow.” Even if you’re a day late, they will remember that you didn’t call the day you were supposed to. So keep your statement more open and broad and say “I will call you soon.” This way you won’t be penalizedfor your efforts.
If you’re really not interested in a woman, then don’t plan another date with her.In the dating arena, it should be known that people are not looking for “new friends,” they arelooking for relationships. If you ask someone out for another date it will be presumed that there is some romantic interest. However, if you aren’t certain as of yet how you feel about someone, it is okay to go out again and try to figure your feelings out; no one is expected to know instantaneously if someone is right for them for the long haul and sometimes it takes a few tries to figure that out.
Texting back and forth after a date will imply romantic interest.If you like the woman and see potential with her – great, then text her and enjoy the banter. However, if you simply want to text back and forth because it’s fun and you really don’t have any interest in pursuing her, then don’t participate in this kind of interaction. Friendship might be a possibility in the future, but during this stage in the game it will be misinterpreted that you are looking for something more.
Talking to your date about the other women you are dating gives off a mixed message. Yes, when we were high school, it was fun to make another person jealous by boasting how “popular” we are, but not at this stage in life; conversations involving other women should not come up. Consider it understood that in the world of dating you (as well as the other party) are out there meeting different people and going out on other dates. Keep your active social life to yourself and think of other topics that are more considerate to discuss.
Kissing if you are not romantically interested in someone throws off a huge mixed signal.If you aren’t romantically interested and you know that the other person is, please don’t make out with her for the fun of it. The woman is going to expect to hear from you again and is going to expect that the two of you will be going out on another date. Why wouldn’t she expect that? And keep in mind that even if the kiss was “just okay” the recipient is still going to expect another date because first date kisses always deserve a “do-over” given the awkwardness of the moment.
No kiss also gives a signal. If someone leans in for a kissand you turn your cheek, or greet them with sealed lips (even if you’re nervous), this will imply that you are not romantically interested. If you were actually interested and sent the wrong signal by accident, you need to let the lady know right away. Perhaps the next day, send a text and be cute, “had fun last night, looking forward to trying that “end part” again!” The best way to clarify a mixed signal is to give a clear signal or at least a signal that hasa hintof clarity!
Happy New Year to all our Readers! As the New Year unfolds and we head into later January, a lot of single people are getting back into the grove of dating. At Premier, we always notice an uptick in business; setting appointments and signing up new members, reactivating clients that placed memberships on hold, matchmaking/facilitating introductions and “managing” accounts. How are we managing? We are managing our clients’ online dating accounts; assisting them with their personal online searches. Through our research and experiences we’ve been able come up with a very unique and special strategy on how to get the most out of online dating and seek out potential singles that are sincere in wanting serious relationships.
For this blog entry we thought we might share some basic online profile tips that may be helpful to you. Whether you’ve been online for while or are considering joining one of the sites, below are the Top 5 Tips on how to create the most effective online profile and succeed with online dating.
1. Create a Profile that is Short and Sweet
Since everyone online is basically surfing through lots of profiles, the shorter the bios the better. Research has shown that profiles that contain shorter paragraphs tend to be more eye-catching and are therefore read more thoroughly. Be concise when explaining who you are and what you’re looking for. Keep it fun, light and airy. Make sure to keep the comments positive as well.
2. Market yourself with the Best Pictures you have
Believe it or not, most people will either accept or deny your profile simply by looking at your photos ~ so only select pictures that show you in your best light and of course, only pick photos that are recent and are in focus. Remember, you’re marketing yourself, so it’s better to pick the top two or three best shots that you have rather than add any more that might be just OK. When selecting pictures, it might be worth investing in having professional shots taken. If you can’t afford that, then select some pictures you like and ask some friends and/or family members what photos they think are the best and go with the general consensus on which ones to use.
3. Honesty Matters more than you think
Remember that everything you offer will eventually be found out when you meet face to face, so keep it honest. It has been known that adults tend to seek out partners who are out of their league, notes Derek Kreager, an associate professor of sociology at Pennsylvania State University, who recently published his research on this topic in the Journal of Marriage and Family. While it seems tempting to embellish a profile since readers cannot see you in person…beware! For if you lie, a potential date will find out the truth (about your height, your weight, your age) eventually anyway when you meet, so keep the facts straight otherwise the whole encounter will have been a huge waste of time and energy.
4. Check your Grammar and Spelling
When you write your profile make sure to use proper grammar throughout and avoid slang. Also double check your spelling and check for typos. It is a real turnoff for a reader to read through a bio that contains poor grammar, multiple spelling errors and typos. It will lower your chances of being contacted and tarnish your image as you’ll unfortunately be perceived as sloppy and less educated than you are.
5. Shine through with Similarities
When you begin introducing yourself to others you’re interested in, remember that the introductions that achieve the best responses are those that give a reason why the reader would want to respond back. Common ground is critical. Read through a selected person’s interests and touch upon them in your introduction. Reveal a few thoughts or experiences of your own that will make the intro a lot more personalized and heartfelt. If you both recently skied in Vermont, mention this and tell him/her which resort you enjoyed. If volunteering is important to this person, as it is with you, mention which causes you’ve been involved with and why. Offer more substantial comments rather than just mentioning generic statements that could be sent to anyone.
Dating at any age requires time, energy and work, but dating after 40 can seem even more exhausting! When you are over 40, it seems that most of your social circles have now fragmented ~ your friends have either moved away or you have. Many are now married with family demands and kids; work colleagues may not be close enough for you to socialize outside the office with. So what do you do? Go to bars and social events solo? It is tough making new connections out in the social scene. We hear it all the time at Premier Match. Even I (Christie Nightingale) the owner, find it exhausting. I go out regularly to social events to network. It isn’t easy going up to strangers and initiating chit chat. So what can you do to get out there and meet people other than sit at home and surf online?
• Engage in activities you enjoy, not things you know others enjoy. If hanging out in bars brings you no joy, don’t go. Find a class or activity that you’d be glad to do alone and meet people who share your interest.
• Always be welcoming and approachable. No matter where you are, while you are in public, people surround you and some of these people might be single and interested. Smile at people, make eye contact, and be willing to spark up a conversation or carry one out with a person who starts one with you.
• Look the part. Be a person who carries themselves with pride and confidence. Dress as if you are taking care of yourself. No one wants to ask a person out who doesn’t value personal care. Go out well groomed and comfortably dressed in clothes that make you look and feel your best. You don’t have to step out of the house dressed to kill every day, but look in the mirror before you leave and ask yourself, “Would I date me?”
• When someone asks you out, say yes. Don’t run through a list of questions in your head or immediate retract and think or reasons to say no. Be open to at the very least making a new acquaintance. Your first date can be short and casual, so that if you aren’t enjoying their company or don’t feel comfortable, you know it will be over soon.